


Crazy Little Thing Called love

by mynameisjohnricharddeacon



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26297092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisjohnricharddeacon/pseuds/mynameisjohnricharddeacon
Summary: I loved him and he loved me, and it's been that way ever since we met. But sometimes it's not that easy or simple. And I don't know why...
Relationships: John Deacon/Lily James, Roger Taylor/Lily James
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Meeting them wasn’t like getting to know a bunch of strangers over some time while working together. But it was more like a group of old friends getting together again. Strange, because I hadn’t met them before in my entire life. It’s like walking into that recording studio in London and knowing you’re home. You don’t consciously think about it, but it’s like destiny pushed you along that path to meet those people and later on you realize what happened. 

*** 

I’m only 21 and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life. So far, however, 1971 has been a dull year. But at least I have parents who love me and were able to help me to get an apartment somewhere in London and a small part-time job somewhere. But what did I do at least a week or so ago? I quit. I felt like there was something else that was calling my name and, I think, that it has something to do with music. I know it won’t be creating music because I’m useless at that. So the real question is, what is that nagging feeling that’s inside my gut that I can’t misplace? I can’t ignore this feeling because I know that it’s calling out to me and it's what I’m meant to be doing.   
I’ve always loved rock and roll music, though. The sound of all of the instruments meshing together with the singer’s voice to make something truly revolutionary. I used to love to listen to music on my stereo during college. God, I make it sound like I was in college so long ago when in truth it was only at the end of May when I graduated from Surrey college with a music business degree. I mean, I guess that helps me out a bit; but, where am I going to find a rock band that I think is successful in a short time’s notice?   
My parents always tell me, “Lily, you’re going to be successful one day and all you need to do is put yourself out there more.” I always keep that advice in mind for when I do get a job somewhere for someone. Although, I’ll admit that it’s hard to put myself out there when my favorite thing to do is sit by myself in my apartment and watch television. People may say that I’m an introvert, and I certainly know that I’m not like an extrovert, but I feel like I’m in between the two rather than being one or the other. But what I do know for sure is that if I let myself be who I am inside something magical will happen that if I don’t, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.   
I brush out my dark blonde hair with my red hairbrush, the bristles running through my hair gently while untangling the small knots. The brush makes a small sound as I set it down on my white porcelain countertop. The mirror has a few placed water stains from the sink’s water splashing lightly onto the mirror. Some here, and some there but not many.   
It’s funny because, at this age when everyone’s graduating from college, everything seems to be changing so quickly. Day by day, I don’t notice it as much because it’s only one day rather than a span of years. But as I look back, everyone who’s older than you like your parents and teachers and elders all expects you to become an adult rather fast. They all expect you to get a good-paying job, and whether it’s fulfilling to you or not doesn’t really matter to them, and how well you can ‘adult’ in the real world by yourself. Everyone parts ways like you do in high school graduation go and we all do our own thing. Naturally, I had to say my goodbyes to my few friends that I’ve made but they were hardly lifelong friend material at all. I’m not sorry about thinking that either because if I did feel a connection, I would have made more of an effort to keep in touch.   
I rub my dark blue-gray eyes to the point where I can see some scattered blobs of color as if I just looked right into light or the sun for a few seconds. I remember that I have no plans for today, but I feel like I need to get out and do something. My brain hasn’t decided what it is that I want to do or where I want to go. I eyeball my walking shoes sitting idly by the door like it’s been forgotten. My plate of pancakes in which only half of one is left on my plate with some syrup soaking into the pancake slowly but surely is sitting on the wooden table. My head is propped up with my hand and my elbow is resting on the kitchen table as I stare out the window.  
When I look outside through the window on the wall more, I notice how lovely it looks outside. The sky looks bright blue with a few scattered clouds roaming throughout the sky like some wild cows on a farm grazing in a field. The weather out is far from being common, and I wanted to take advantage of the nice weather out. I slipped on my pair of walking shoes with my bag, equipped with all of my belongings inside, on my shoulder. I decided that I was going for a walk. Where I intended to go I’m not quite sure yet. However, that’s the beauty of walking aimlessly somewhere because you don’t know where you’re going and sometimes you stumble upon something great as you’re walking.   
The fresh air and a slight breeze hit my face while blowing my hair back behind me. The weather feels warm and consumes my soul, sending a shiver down my spine. I love it when it gets warm outside, and I always make it a point to be outside to enjoy it rather than being inside and sitting around all day long. I love taking walks too because it gives me a chance to be alone with my thoughts while simultaneously enjoying hearing the birds chirping and the leaves rustling on the trees, some leaves crunching beneath my feet, and seeing everyone walking along the sidewalk in their own little world.   
As I got to my walk along the sidewalk, I got to thinking about something quite odd. The most prominent thought in my brain right now was that the universe sends us exactly what we need and what we’re ready for at the moment and in the exact moment that we need it most in our lives, whether or not we know that we need it. I find that interesting because there could be something that’s going to happen soon, or maybe not, in my life that will change things for me and I won’t even know it. Or, perhaps, it’ll be so obvious that it will be like someone slapped you in the face with that information. But what I also find interesting is that this new thing could be a new job, a new hobby, or even a new friend. Possibly something else entirely.   
I walked as far as to get to Surrey College. I smile a small and nostalgic smile as I stop and look at the building. Not that it’s changed, but it feels like I attended this school for a lifetime and it was a lifetime ago that I was there, even though it was only a month or so ago. There on the beige-colored walls were posters scattered like flies on a hot summer’s day. Some of the pages flapped lightly in the breeze, the sound of the trees rustling ever-so-slightly behind me serving as some sort of background noise.   
I took some time to look at what some of the posters and flyers had to say and what they were about. I notice that some are more extravagant than others and that a handful of the posters are only text and writing on a sheet of white paper. I chuckle at their lack of trying while there are some with practically every color of the rainbow, whether it was in markers or glitter or paint. One of the flyers caught my attention specifically.   
The date on it read ‘July 2nd’, which I knew to be tomorrow. The rest of it was advertised for a band called ‘Queen’ to be playing a small show at Surrey College. I wasn’t one for going to shows or concerts of any kind because of the mass crowds they brought along and the kinds of people they seemed to attract like magnets. However, this one, in particular, seemed like it was calling my name and that I needed to go see it. Perhaps it was because this band was playing at my college. Or maybe it was because of something else that I can’t place. I smile to myself and walk away, mentally taking note of this show. ‘I’ll remember this for sure, and I’ll make it a point to see this band.’   
This felt like the kind of thing that was going to be ‘life-changing’ for me. God knows why that is. The best possible thing that could happen is that I discover that this band could potentially be very famous like The Beatles and I get a job with them. However, I see no other reason why this one show could give me such a feeling that it’s so indistinguishable that it seems too foreign for me to understand like a dead language. 

*** 

Surrey looked just the same as I left it a couple of months ago, which I should hope so because it wasn’t even that long ago that I left either. The teachers’ classrooms were empty with little to no items left on the wall in each of the classrooms. I could hear the music playing from the hall, my heels clicking against the shining floors beneath me. The noise echoed throughout the halls and felt like it’s echoing off the walls. ‘Queen’ was a rock and roll band judging by the sound of their music. And I liked it. Their sound and style were good and unique. Maybe this was going to be my lucky day. I felt a bit of excitement forming increasingly in my stomach.  
Once I got inside the room where the band was playing, I saw the small crowd of people standing on the floor. There were four band members. The singer, the drummer, the bassist, and the guitar player. They each seemed to have their unique stage presence about them. Each of them seems different from each other. The drummer seems very high energy by the way he plays the drums. The bassist has a very little stage presence and looks like a shy and quiet guy. The singer was the leader. From his presence and the vibe I felt around him, I knew that he’s a very out-there guy who’s not afraid to be himself. And the guitar player looked like the typical smarter more responsible member of the group. I’m intrigued, to say the least.  
If you ask me what the songs were or what they were about, I couldn’t tell you. But if you ask me how they made me feel, I could tell you that the songs they performed and how they were played made me feel exhilarated and alive, just like any good rock and roll band should. I immediately wanted to talk to them like a moth to a flame. I wanted to get to know them better and see if they needed my help. Was it my intent on looking for a job? Not at all, but it just fell at my feet.   
The show ends and the room slowly clears out with a few select people staying behind to talk to each other, the chatter in the room rising in volume. The band was slowly packing up and didn't seem to notice me coming their way until I came on the stage.   
“Hello,” the singer says.   
I smile politely. “I saw your show, and I loved it. I love your sound…”   
Immediately, the drummer stands up briskly and walks up to me. “I’m glad that you did. The name’s Roger. And that’s Freddie, our singer. Brian is the guitarist and John is the bassist.” Roger points at everyone, and they all make it a point to wave and smile at me. Politely, I wave back.   
John looks over at me. He was the quiet one that I saw on-stage, and looking at him seemed to make me feel different, and I can’t place it yet. They all seemed to live up to the expectations that I thought them to be. He smiles shyly at me and slowly comes up to me. At the same time, Brian walks over to me as well. All four of them stand in front of me in a semicircle.   
“So, was there a reason that you wanted to talk to us or… Is it like a fan kind of thing?” Brian asked me jokingly.   
I chuckle, my eyes glancing at John and Roger amid my laugh. “No… No, I wanted to know if there was room in your group for an assistant kind of job. I have a music business degree, so I’m good enough, I promise.”   
“Is that so?” Roger adds with a grin. I roll my eyes at his comment.   
“We never got your name,” John interjects.   
I get a feeling in my stomach as I hear him addressing me, and I turn to him to see him smiling still. “I’m Lily James. Pleased to meet you, John.”   
Our hands meet in a handshake. Right off the bat, I noticed how warm his hand was in mine and how hot my cheeks seemed to be getting. I briskly let go of his hand and dropped it at my side, hoping that no one else saw me. I don’t even know what this is that I’m feeling either, but the feeling is unforgettable.   
“That’s a nice name, Lily,” Brian continues with the smallest hint of a smile.   
There was a pause where the air felt awkward around me. I felt everyone but Freddie looking at me like a dozen cameras on my face and at all sides. The only ones who seemed to catch my attention were John and Roger. Strange, though, because they both were very different in personality from each other. I can’t place it on them, but I was interested in them more than the other two.   
“I think it’s safe to say that we can welcome you to our team. Isn’t that right, Deaky?” Freddie announces, looking at John.   
He looks taken aback and surprised for a moment before looking between Freddie and me and smiling quietly.   
“Here’s our place. We all live together. See you tomorrow?” Roger asks. Our fingers brush as he hands me the address.   
“Yes… Tomorrow.” For a moment, I see Roger’s face being embarrassed and getting pink before returning to normal.   
I walk away and notice as I turn to look at them that they’re all looking at me. I’m still feeling that strange feeling in my stomach as I turn to walk away, of which I can’t place.


	2. Chapter 2:

The remainder of the day I thought I’d spend on packing up my things in my apartment. Lucky for me I don’t have a lot of belongings to pack up, and I don’t have to worry about the appliances or furniture because I can sell it all or donate it or something like that.   
Empty boxes are scattered about the floor in strategic places. A few in my bedroom and a few in the living room because the rest of everything like the appliances and food in the kitchen are going to be donated or sold or thrown away. Lucky me, I guess.   
I started in my living room where the least amount of things were. There, I had some select knick-knacks and items that are dear to my heart. For example, my mum gave me about three or four family photos and possibly one photo album that, I think, has sat alone on a shelf ever since I’ve moved in gathering dust. However, I won’t give any of it away since anything my mum’s given me has to stay with me because we have such a close relationship. I value my relationship with her because we’ve tried so hard to be so close and I wouldn’t want to lose that.   
I realize how little things I have in my apartment after I only have packed up two boxes filled almost to the top. They sit alone near a wall placed nicely next to each other against the wall. My next mission was to consolidate my bedroom. I had no idea how difficult it would be or how easy it would be. However, I was going to find out as I kept on standing in the middle of my room with boxes all around me. I let out a small sigh as I began to stand in front of my closet.   
Hangers upon hangers of clothes were set inside the closet. I have sections where my t-shirts are and my jackets are. My dresser, behind me, holds all of my jeans and pants and other items which I decide not to hang up in my closet. Although, I’m personally glad that I’m so organized when it comes to this sort of thing and that I’ve held up that level of organization. Gotta pat me on the back for this one.   
As quickly as I started, I was done with my clothes which I was able to fit in two boxes miraculously. Thank God for that. Maybe for some people, this is so little clothing where some people are in awe at the amount of clothing I have because they themselves have so little. I think that, in my opinion, I have a reasonable amount of clothing. Of course, I've never given it much thought either. Not that the subject matters too much.   
I never really remember seeing my closet empty, but here we are because I’ve cleaned it out. I have a small closet since it’s only a small apartment too, so it was only really able to fit my shirts and jackets and sweaters and shoes. The two boxes I filled with clothes I set aside next to my dresser near the door, which I hoped that I wouldn’t trip over.   
As I continue to pack up my things, I realize how much of a leap of faith I’m taking here. I’m leaving behind my safe college years and going into adulthood with a new job. It’s like being on the edge of a diving board. You can always stay at the edge forever and keep making up excuses to not jump off because it may hurt you or you’re too high up. Like my situation, I can always flake out and say that it’s too much of a risk or I think I’m not talented enough to have a job in a talented band. I keep telling myself that I can do it and I need to go forward with this. They all seem to like me, especially John and Roger and Brian. I can’t tell how Freddie thinks of me, however, it does seem like he thinks that I’m able to go out with this new job.   
I guess the universe did send me exactly what I need right now. Although, I’m not quite sure if these boys are ‘lifelong friend material’ yet. I haven’t gotten a chance to get to know them yet. I have noticed that I get this feeling whenever I’m around John and Roger that I can’t place yet, although it feels so familiar like I’ve felt it before. I can’t let it go for the life of me.   
On top of my bed, I see the slip of paper that Roger gave me earlier. It brought back memories of earlier today. Oh, and how I remember John looking at me that certain way that felt like he only looked at me this way. I knew how I was feeling. I knew for a fact that I felt this way before and it might now be going away any time soon. I had a crush. No, this was more than a crush. I liked him. A guy that I’ve known not even a whole day yet and I’m starting to like him. But it’s strange how I’m feeling this way about him so strongly. However, I notice that on the paper is a phone number which, I’m assuming, is the number to their house. It makes me smile to even think about that.   
I feel the urge to go and call it and hope that it’s John that picks up the phone. I have no other reason to call that number except to talk to John. Do I need any other reason? I rush over to the phone in my kitchen.   
Pressing each button carefully as if the world might explode if I mess up, I dial the number and with each noise the button makes, my nerves increase each time. Then the receiver starts to buzz, signaling that no one’s picked up the phone on the other line. Then there it is.   
“Hello, it’s John Deacon.”   
“Hello, this is Lily.” A smile dances on my lips as he says his name, managing to make my heart sing a little.   
“Lily! I’m glad to hear from you.” I loved how his voice sounded like it lit up so much when he heard it was me.   
“I’m glad that it was you who picked up the phone if I’m quite honest. I just- I wanted to call you and take a break from packing. If that’s alright…”   
“Of course. I’m just happy that I- we’ll be able to talk to you more and get to know you more. Although, if I can be honest, I hope that we can be- um- good friends.” He sounded like he hesitated while saying friends as if there was more to the story.   
“I’d like to be-uh- good friends too. We can talk more alone if you’d like tomorrow… That is if Roger or Brian don’t fight you to get to me first.”   
John laughs a little. I love the way his laugh sounds. “They have taken quite a fancy to you since we saw you earlier.” He pauses for a moment. “You know, you can call me by my nickname that my friends call me.”   
“Oh? What’s that then?”  
“Deaky. You can call me Deaky if you like.” Even though we’re speaking over the phone I know he’s smiling that same smile I saw earlier.   
“I think I will… Deaky.”   
“Well, I think I’ll see you tomorrow. I will, won’t I?”   
“Definitely. Bye.”   
“Bye, Lily.”   
The line ends there with John telling me goodbye, and the way he says my name makes me feel special for some reason. I was falling hard and fast for him, but I can’t really help it can I? I think it’s because he’s so quiet and how he’s super cute when he looks at me. God, it was only that one time wasn’t it and I’m making it sound like it’s been forever. Although, it does feel like forever and I think this is what they call ‘love at first sight’. 

*** 

The sun rises to signal that the morning has come upon me, the light flooding through the window and shining its golden rays on the small piles of boxes. I rub my bleary eyes to try to clear up my vision a bit. Today was another day, and it was going to be the start of something new and the end of my old life. I almost felt undecided about whether I was excited or nervous or something else.   
Finally, it dawned on me that I was moving from this apartment which had been my sanctuary throughout many hard times in college. Through the hell called finals week and many emotional times in my life such as break-ups or even fights with friends. But situations like those are normal in anyone’s life. I chose not to get stuck on anyone I left behind in college like my old friends and old college boyfriend. He was never that important to me anyway. We sure did have fun times together and I liked him at the time, but I guess it was never enough to miss him.   
As I kept on thinking about that, I started to think about how terrible it’d be if someone I cared about truly and deeply didn’t care about me enough to miss me. Oh, how that would break my heart like a piece of fragile glass. There will always be people coming and going out of your life but whether or not they’re important enough you’ll never know.   
But, to me, it’s cool how one person can pop into your life all of a sudden and become so important to you within such a short amount of time. I think that’s what makes life so interesting and exciting though. To me, there’s always a reason to be hopeful for the future because you never know what good things are going to come your way. And I always think about what things coming into my life are going to be so life-altering that I never want to say goodbye or see them leave.   
The apartment was empty at last after all morning of selling and donating and throwing away. I got a small amount of money from a few select items which had been in good enough condition for me to get money from them. However, most of the furniture I had either stayed in the apartment or were gone because they once were mine.  
I stood in the center of the room at the front of the building with nothing except a few things around me with boxes placed in a pile at the front of the room. My car was small enough to fit at least two boxes, so I know that I have to take multiple trips. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest, though. ‘Maybe I’ll go over there first and then get my stuff.’ I kept telling myself that even though I knew I wanted an excuse to spend some time with certain people.   
The house came into sight as the London scenery slowed to a stop around me. It was a nice looking house that was painted a grayish color. My stomach was churning like butter or saltwater taffy as I approached the red door, my fist hovering in front of the door before I knocked.   
Three painstaking knocks, and then I stood in silence waiting for an answer. God, I hoped I was at the right house. That would be terrible, wouldn’t it? I mean you never really know with maps these days, do you?   
“Hello?” Brian answers, opening the door.   
I flash a polite smile at him. “Brian… I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” I say.   
A look of relief washes over Brian’s face like waves on the beach’s sand. “Not at all. Someone with common sense is always welcome. I’m sure that we’re all glad you’re here to stay with us,” he replies while giving me a cheesy wink.   
Walking in, I give him a small chuckle and a smile. My stomach drops when I realize that I’m here and my life is actually going to be different and going up and succeeding. I hope.   
“Hey! Who’s that, Brian?” Roger yells from another room. All I can do is laugh at that.   
“Oh, Lily, glad you’re finally here,” Freddie says as he greets me with a wave and a polite nod.   
I take the time to take in the surroundings because this is where I’m gonna be for the next while I presume. John hadn’t gotten here yet, and I felt my heart beating in strange, alternating rhythms.   
At last, I see Deaky and Roger walking in the main room. My eyes met John’s, and I think I forgot how to breathe for a moment. He had those kinds of eyes that felt different from everyone else’s, the kind that you could get lost in. I restrain myself from staring too much and making it too obvious. I felt myself smiling, and I realized that it was because of him.   
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Deaky tells me quietly with a quiet smile.   
“Someone who won’t get on my nerves around here, good,” Roger adds with a sly grin, looking me straight in the eyes.   
However, I finally noticed all of the little features that make up Deaky. I noticed the small gap between his front teeth whenever he smiles and how his eyes are a greenish-gray color and how beautiful and long his brown hair is. I loved all those parts of him, especially his smile. So maybe I started to like John Deacon way more than I thought or planned.   
“I- uh- I’m glad to be here, and I can’t wait to get to know you guys.” I flash a small smile so I can try to hide the fact that I was almost staring. “But, um, I do still have boxes in my apartment. My car will only fit two at a time… So it’ll take a few trips.”   
“We can take turns going with you if you like, darling,” Freddie offers.   
At the same time, Deaky and Roger reply, “I’ll go first!” I cover my mouth to hide myself laughing. It was so funny to hear them both, especially because Roger gave Deaky this look that was a little irritated-looking while John was just as angry, although in a subtle and quiet sort of way.   
“I’ll settle this. I’ll go first so you can work things out. Play ‘rock paper scissors’ or toss a coin. I don’t care,” Brian interjects, leading me towards the door with a hand on my back. God, he was tall like a streetlamp I noticed as he walked beside me.   
We both climb into my car, and it was quiet before Brian started the conversation. “So, you called Deaky this morning, did you?”   
I laugh, morphing into a giggle, at his comment. “I did, yeah.”   
“We all have certainly taken a liking to you. You’ll fit right in. Although, I’ll say that I do have a little bit of a crush on you as well.” Brian comments very casually. He didn’t seem bothered or embarrassed at admitting his crush on me, which I was pleasantly surprised by.   
I chuckle, keeping my eyes on the road. “Well, I’m flattered. But you know that we’re only friends, yeah? I think Roger certainly likes me too. But- Well, nevermind.”   
“Yeah, Roger likes you a lot. But, you were going to say something else, weren’t you?” Brian asks with a smirk.   
“You caught me. I guess, well, I do have a bit of a crush on Deaky. I’m understating things a little. I like him and more than I thought,” I admitted, my grip on the wheel tightening more as I think.   
Brian laughs quietly. “Ah, I thought so. I know by the way you were staring at him. But, just for the record, I think he likes you too because I’ve never seen him smile that way for anyone before. And he won’t say anything like Roger will or do anything to give it away outright,” Brian continues in a knowing tone. 

*** 

It was the last of the boxes that I had to take, and Deaky was finally going with me this time. He and I sit in the car and the air suddenly gets filled with tension as it grows increasingly in my stomach.   
“Just curious, why haven’t you spoken up yet to ride with me? I know that you’ve been wanting to get to know me more. As friends, right?” Was I an idiot for adding the ‘as friends’ part of the sentence?   
He looks down and his hair falls in front of his face. “Roger practically jumped over me to get to you first. And if it hadn’t been for Brian taking you first, then Roger would have gone.” I got that he felt outspoken from the rest of the group. I think it’s because he’s still the “new boy in the group”. Things felt different now that I knew that he likes me just the same.   
“I’m happy that we’re able to be alone, though,” I reply with a reassuring smile.   
“Me too…” Deaky adds in a whisper, his eyes twinkling as he looks at me. 

*** 

I’m crashing on the couch for the time being, with my boxes being stored in the closet in the office space. They all offered to move that stuff out and somewhere else, but I’m fine with staying on the couch too. Sometime soon we’ll all convert the small office into a small bedroom for me. However, here I am now on the couch.   
I lay sprawled on the couch with the television onto some program that I’m not sure what it is. Everyone’s gone into their rooms for the night, and all of them wishing me a good night before going to bed. It’s about almost midnight. I’ve dozed off with my hands tight to my chest and my knees slightly bent.   
All of a sudden I feel a hand on my shoulder that gently shakes me. My eyelids fly open, my eyes going wide with surprise. When I open my eyes, I see a smiling and sleepy Deaky standing above me with his hand still on my shoulder tight. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But if you want, you can stay with me in my room…”   
I smile gratefully. “I’m alright here, but, if you’d like, you can stay with me for the rest of the night and watch some television with me,” I suggest. Even though it was dark and the only light coming from the TV screen, his smile seemed to light up the room at my offer and his eyes gleaming and shining.   
I sat up, patting the spot on the couch to the left of me. He eagerly, though in his quiet way, sat next to me. I took the liberty to move a little closer, my gut being wrenched with nerves aggressively. “Anything you’d like to watch?” I ask in a whisper.   
“I don't mind. I kind of want to talk to you, though,” Deaky replies sweetly, making my heart sigh. I can’t help but giggle quietly.   
“Okay… What about then?” I add.   
“Do Roger or Brian like you?” Deaky implores outright.   
My heart skips a beat for a moment or two. “Well, yes. In the car, Brian told me that he has a crush on me and that Roger does as well. Is there any reason why you ask?” I let out a small yawn.   
He smiles at me and places a hand on my lower back. “No- I- If you’re tired… You can go to sleep,” he offers. I can sense that he’s a bit out of his comfort zone.   
“I am a little…”   
Without speaking another word, he lays down and pulls me to be laying down lightly on top of him, so my head was lying on his chest. I can feel him breathing, his chest rising and falling, and how his heartbeat is slightly faster as I’m lying on him. He feels warm and comforting, and more so while he has a lazy arm draped on my elbow. I slowly fall asleep to the TV background noise and the rhythm of his heartbeats.


	3. Chapter 3:

My eyes opened and, judging by the light pouring in from the windows with the shades pulled down slightly, I can tell that it’s early morning. Maybe not too early, but I’m far too lazy to find a clock to check the actual time. Although, I knew that it couldn’t be much more than at least six or seven o’clock.   
From down the darkened hallway, I heard two pairs of footsteps walking down slowly. That was when I was fully aware of Deaky sleeping, my head still on his chest and his hand draped over my arm, his fingers slightly curled around mine. I slightly curled my fingers around his, not so much that I would wake him up though.   
Freddie and Brian were walking down the hallway with Roger not far behind them. Brian was the first one to notice Deaky and me, and Brian tugged on Freddie and Roger’s arm to get them to notice us. Funny, even sleeping felt better with Deaky than it does alone.   
“Had a nice night, then?” Brian whispered. Freddie and Roger snicker quietly.   
“No! It’s not like that. He just came in to check on me and asked me if I wanted to share his room. But I said no and, instead, I asked if he wanted to stay out here with me and watch some TV and talk. And we did. We talked for a little while until I got sleepy and he pulled me so I was sleeping like this.” The very thought of reminiscing last night made me blush a bit. It felt different. A good kind of difference.   
Roger raises an eyebrow at us with a small smirk tugging at his lips, his eyes are still tired and dull-looking from sleep but I can still detect a small glimmer in his eyes.   
“Wish that was you, Rog?” Freddie jokes, jabbing him in the ribs playfully. They all erupt in laughter.   
“Well, who wouldn’t?” Roger fires back with a grin, then walking away promptly.   
Soon enough, Deaky and I are alone again in the room. I didn’t want to wake him up either because he felt so comfortable with me laying here. I knew that he liked me and I knew that I felt the same way, but there was something inside of me that kept me from telling him how I feel. As I kept thinking about him, I felt his chest continuing to rise and fall slowly as he slept blissfully.   
I felt his grip on my hand tighten, and I hoped that meant he was awake now. I looked up and saw him starting to wake up again with a sleepy grin on his face. “Good morning. They all saw us a few minutes ago. Fred, Brian, and Roger. And I think Roger was a bit jealous even,” I told him with a small chuckle.   
He smiles at me, making my heart melt a bit. Here we are pretending to be friends still. Everyone in the room earlier knew that that simply wasn’t true. It was clear that we were only existing for each other and that anything else in the room didn’t matter at all. And, you know, ‘just friends’ don’t smile like that at each other. I see how he smiles at me even when he’s only woken up and I know how I feel when I’m smiling at him, even when he’s not looking.   
“Did they? Well I was comfy here and I fell asleep a little bit after you did,” he replies, removing his hand from mine.   
“Are you lot coming in here? We have very important things to do today!” Freddie yells from the kitchen.   
Deaky and I proceed to get up off the couch, both of us still in our pajamas and our hair slightly messy, you know bed head, as we walk into the kitchen. Suddenly, I didn’t know what to say as we entered the kitchen with everyone looking at us. What was there to say? They knew everything already. All that happened was we both fell asleep on the couch, so I had nothing else to say.   
I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat on an empty spot at the table. Amid a bite of cereal, while I glanced over at Deaky, I started to wonder what crosses his mind when his eyes meet mine or when he hears my name or even when he thinks about me. It makes my stomach flutter even thinking about the prospect of it.   
I wanted to break the silence by saying something. A question? An observation? A Statement? Clearing my throat quietly, I ask, “So, what’s the important thing on our to-do list today, Freddie?”   
He turns to me from the other side of the table. “We’re finding a recording studio to do our demos and albums.” Freddie’s statement is very matter-of-fact and short, which I’m happy about because I don’t want to know all the drama and tiny, unimportant details of the situations. Just tell me where we need to go and what we need to do.   
“And to think that no one’s wanted to represent us…” Roger adds, slightly leaning towards me as he speaks.   
In response, rolling my eyes, I return, “Hmm, I wonder why. Isn’t that right, Deaky?”   
I’ve most likely taken him off-guard when I said his name, and it made me giggle to see him surprised and caught off-guard like that. He smiled, his eyes lighting up, and I think I died inside because of how he looks when he’s happy like that. I love that. He didn’t need to say anything in response to my statement because his smile and laughter was all I needed.   
Breakfast was finished at last with lots of silence and mixed conversation as well. I headed off to the closet in the office space to pick out my outfit for the day. I knew that I wanted to wear a pair of jeans and that no one else would mind. But my problem was what shirt I was going to wear. It might’ve only been a few minutes, but it felt like forever that I stood in front of the closet deciding. And I still don’t know what to wear.   
“Don’t know what to wear?” Brian asks from the doorway.   
Turning sharply, I face him. “You could say that. I just don’t know what shirt to wear today. Is that dumb?” I implore while trying to hold back laughter.   
Of course, Brian didn’t hesitate to laugh at my indecisiveness. “No, it’s not dumb. I know that you’re trying to impress Deaky, and we all know it too. The way he looks at you is like you’re the most amazing person in the whole world,” Brian pauses, taking a look inside my closet. “But you really should wear that shirt with those boots.” Off the rack, he takes a nice fitted blue shirt and grabs my pair of brown leather boots, and shoves them in my arms.   
“Okay then, off you go! You’re not going to watch me get dressed. We might be best friends, but you’re still not allowed to see me undressed,” I comment, lightly pushing him away.   
With a smirk as he left, Brian adds with his hazel eyes twinkling mischievously, “You’d let Deaky in if he was in here.”   
My face flushes a pinkish color and I stop in my tracks. However, from the hallway, I can hear running and screaming. I knew it to be Roger and Freddie. Ah, poor Deaky having to be in the middle of it all. That’s where I was wrong because he entered the room with an exasperated look on his face.   
“Let me guess… Fred and Rog are at it again?” Brian assumes, his eyebrows raised.   
“Yes. I needed to get away from them to try not to get caught in the crossfire,” he jokes with a nod.   
I chuckle, forming into a giggle, and say, “Well, you lot can stay in here but I’m getting dressed in my clothes so turn around and I’m changing in the closet. I’m not about to let you see me in my underwear.”   
Deaky’s face is flushed a deep red color, me smirking at him. “I promise not to look, right Brian?” Deaky promises.   
“Yes, yes… Not even a peek. I’ll be good,” Brian continues, covering his eyes with his hands.   
I shut the door to the office and then go inside the closet and shut the door behind me. All I can think about while I’m in here, firstly, is how ridiculous it is that I have to change in here. I don’t want Brian or Deaky looking. John and I aren’t quite there yet, I’m afraid. But, secondly, I can’t take my mind off the fact that Deaky is out there waiting for me, and, for some reason, it makes my stomach churn and flutter nervously.   
With the final zip of my boots, I open the door and smile at the boys. “Well, how do I look?” I twirl in my spot.   
“Great, because I picked out the outfit,” Brian comments with a grin.   
Deaky looks at me and, for a second, it seems as if he doesn’t know what to say. Then he smiles at me softly and gently. “Amazing.”   
In the distance, I can still hear Roger and Fred upstairs screaming and running around. “They seem a little crazy this morning. Is it always like this?” I question with an eyebrow raised. Silently, they both nod in reply.   
“We’ll never get anything done if we hide out here all morning. I’ll go out there and try to work out whatever’s going on,” I announce, turning my head towards the boys.   
“Are you sure?” Deaky asks with an eyebrow raised. “I may not have been in this band long like Brian, but we can always go with you. Uh, for back-up, you know?” He stands up and walks toward me and places his hand on my arm.   
“Fine then, but I’m going first. I’m pretty sure they’ll listen to me.” With Brian and Deaky trailing behind me like ducklings behind the mother duck, we three walk out of the doorway. I can hear stomping and screams coming from upstairs, which makes me wonder even more what is going on up there with Roger and Freddie. Of course, I’m not fazed at all.   
Finally, I see Roger and Freddie in the hallway running every which way as soon as we come up the stairs. All I can do is laugh at them because whatever it is that’s making them scream so much is crazy.   
“What’s happened here then?” I ask casually, my arms crossed over my chest.   
They both turn to me with Brian and Deaky flanked at my sides very closely, and I can almost feel Deaky’s hand brushing up against mine as we stand so close together.   
“Freddie stole my shoes and won’t give them back!” Roger exclaims, his voice raised ever-so-slightly.   
In response, Freddie fires back, “Well, darling, they’re ugly shoes and it’d be a sin for you to wear them outside.”   
I can see out of the corners of my eyes that Brian and Deaky are both looking at me as if to look at me on what to do next. “I think that this is all ridiculous. Deaky and Brian had to hide out in the office with me changing in the closet and them having to cover their eyes. That’s what you’ve done this morning, so, Freddie, give back the shoes. And… Roger…” I trail off.   
“Yes, love?” he answers back softly.   
I grin. “Pick better shoes next time.” My answer makes everyone crack up laughing. I know for a fact that Roger was expecting a, well, different answer than what I gave him. However, it’s still fun to watch him squirm every once in a while.   
While everyone else leaves, Roger comes up to me. “You think my shoes are terrible too?” His smile says everything.   
“They could be better. Oh, and the way you flirt is shameful by the way,” I fire back with a wry grin.   
Behind me, I can hear Deaky laughing at me to which I turn around to see him. I love the way he smiles and the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs. And he has the cutest laugh too. I probably think this every time he smiles at me, but I can’t stop thinking about it every single time.   
“Well, Lily, it sounds to me that you’re flirting back at me… If I didn’t know better, I’d think-” I made sure to cut him off before he said anything untrue or rash.   
“Well, whatever I said to make you believe that… it came out wrong.” I felt pretty proud of that comeback if I do say so myself.   
“Mate, I think you’ve been served the definition of ‘irony’ and ‘sarcasm’,” Deaky responds, walking down with me on the stairs with an arm on my back guiding me down the steps. 

*** 

At last, everyone is ready to go. It’s time to get ready to look for a recording studio. Even after the four demo tapes that the boys have made before I got this job, none of the recording studios that they’ve approached were interested which appalls me because I think they’re music and sound are going to change the world one day.   
“Ready? No one needs to do anything before we leave?” I ask, looking around the room at all of their faces. Everyone shakes their heads, and I smile in response. “Good, we can get a start on the day. Even with... Significant obstacles in the way this morning.” I glance over at Roger and Freddie with a knowing look, and they giggle madly.   
“Alright, my car can fit everybody; but, three people in the back will have to kind of squeeze together…” Brian gives me a pointed look, and I know exactly why too.   
Deaky practically runs to my side and grabs one of my arms as if putting his claim on me. I can’t help but smile because I know that I’ll have to sit in close proximity to him. I’m not complaining about that because, in all honesty, I wanted Deaky to volunteer to sit with me in the back. However, the fact that Roger also wants to sit in the back with me doesn’t surprise me one bit.   
Wordlessly, we all climb into the car. Roger gets in first, followed by me and then Deaky. I have to say, it’s cozy back here in the car. I’m sure that none of the boys mind either. Silently, I hook my index finger around Deaky’s index finger and I feel it tighten around mine. I didn’t need to look up at him to know that he’s smiling. It seems like whenever we’re around each other, we can’t stop smiling. Call it what you like, but I have a feeling about what this is.   
“Some of the studios are a bit far. Maybe twenty minutes, so get comfortable, darlings,” Freddie announces, keeping his eyes on the road.   
“Cozy back there, guys? Lily?” Brian questions with a smirk.   
I look between Deaky and Roger who both seem perfectly content right now. Smiling, I respond, “I think so. They both seem pretty cozy back here too.”   
The car ride drags on, and it feels longer than it should. The scenery around us whizzes past in a colorful blur. We’ve gotten pretty comfortable back here, and I’ve had fun listening to Freddie and Brian talking and squabbling. Sometimes a topic in their conversations can go on for a while and sometimes they can go on for a few minutes before they change to something else. For example, I’ve heard them talking about their biggest fears, to arguing about which condiment is the best.   
However, here in the backseat of the car, Deaky, Roger, and I have been pretty quiet. But, in a way, I don’t mind it. Deaky and I are holding hands, our fingers gently intertwined, and Roger’s hand, not-so-subtly, is placed near my hand to the point where they’re practically touching. Roger had fallen asleep earlier in the car ride. I knew that he would because he seemed more tired this morning than usual. I let him rest his head on my shoulder as he slept, and it was strange feeling his head and his hair lying against me like that, but I continue to talk with Deaky as Roger sleeps on my shoulder. I felt the need not to move a muscle or an inch for fear that I would wake him up.   
“So, Deaky, this may be a bit of a cliche question, but what do you like to do for fun?” I ask eagerly.   
I feel his grip on my hand tighten on mine as I manage to grab his attention, his gaze averted from the window to me, our eyes interlocking together. “Well, I like photography.” He smiles sheepishly at his comment.   
I feel my eyes light up, even though I can’t physically see them. I gently squeeze his hand in approval. “Oh? What kinds of pictures? Nature photos? Or, perhaps, you like to take pictures of people?” I suggest, a smile growing on my face with every passing second.   
“Well… If I did, then you would be the perfect candidate for it because you’re so… so beautiful.” A blush spreads across his face in a scarlet color and I’ll admit that I find myself blushing madly as well.   
Then, in a turn of events, a smirk is plastered on my face as an idea of events forms in my head. “Have you ever taken a picture of someone without them knowing? Like if they were writing something on the table and didn't see you…” My voice trails off slowly, fading into the air.   
He pretends to stroke his chin as if he were mimicking thinking of something. “I haven’t thought of that before. Now the ideas are coming. Maybe I’ll strike when you’re eating, watching television, even sleeping when I’m awake… You’ll never know, darling.”   
He called me ‘darling’. I- I kind of liked it that he called me that. It makes things so much more real than they are because, in reality, we’re just two people who like each other and not dating or officially in a relationship whatsoever.


	4. Chapter 4

The days had passed and seasons had changed and, eventually, 1971 turned into 1972. As time went on, it’s been almost a year I suppose, I feel closer to the guys than before. I can’t say that I’m more close with one over the other because I’m just close with each of them on different levels.   
Brian and I, he’s like a brother or a best friend to me. I know that I can confide in him for quite a lot of secrets. At first, all that I could think about was how I had to turn him down in the beginning because he had a crush on me. However, all that’s past now. True, he may still have a crush on me but it hasn’t affected our friendship too much for me to notice anything significant. That’s how it is with me and Brian. He doesn’t act strange and neither do I, and that’s how it is with us.   
Freddie and I are friends as well. We’re very close as well, friendship-wise. We talk quite a fair amount, but our friendship is more based on joking around and teasing each other. He makes me laugh and I can admire how bold and confident he is, knowing what he wants, while simultaneously being quiet and demure. I wouldn’t go as far as to call him shy, but Freddie can be laid back when he needs to be.   
Roger and I, well, I know that he likes me a lot and that he would die to be more than friends with me. Roger is always very clear about how he feels about me and, I’ll admit, that it’s fun to mess with him a bit. Of course, I can remember when I first saw them playing together on July 2nd, 1971 last year. Roger was one of the ones who caught my attention first, along with Deaky naturally. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t think he was attractive. I do think that he’s very, how do I say, well, cute? Hot? But it’s nothing more than attraction there, and I can acknowledge when someone is pleasing on my eyes, which Roger is. However, as far as our friendship goes, he always likes to spend time with me, preferably one on one, and I do like to talk with him and watch television with him. He’s fun to be around.   
Deaky. He’s a different story altogether. He and I like each other a lot. I know for a fact that he likes me a fair bit, more than I can describe even. But I also know that he doesn’t know that everyone knows that I like him. With him and me, it’s not just a simple attraction or a small crush. Things have gotten more complicated than that now. I want to tell him so much how he causes me to get butterflies in my stomach and how he takes my breath away by simply looking at me. I want to sit with him and cuddle at 2 am and talk and play with his hair, and giggle at his jokes or roll my eyes and smile at his sarcasm. I want to kiss him. Maybe it was his laugh, or his eyes or his smile. It could’ve been his hair or his voice or personality. But whatever made me fall for him, made me fall pretty damn hard. 

*** 

It was Springtime and the air outside somewhat warm with a light, cool breeze. The plants and flowers were bright and vibrant with color, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. However, the most important thing that’s happened to me and Queen is that we’re able to record at Trident Studios. We went into discussion with them and they offered them a management deal under Neptune Productions, along with access to the studio. The best part is that Trident has some pretty high-tech facilities that other more popular bands have used before us. I’d consider this a big step up from playing in small pubs or universities.   
Brian, Freddie, and I were sitting on the couch together in the main room near the door to the house and watching a program on television. My legs were crossed, and all of us were silent and in our little worlds. I couldn’t stop thinking about anything and everything. I was in one of those moods where I was thinking and I couldn’t seem to turn my brain off. The thing that’s on my mind the most is how I can possibly take my relationship/friendship with Deaky further. There’s something inside of me that’s stopping me from taking the step into a full-on, official relationship with him.   
I soon find myself staring off into space and, as I go back into the real world, I can see them looking at me from the corner of my eye, and I turn to look at them with a small, sheepish grin.   
“Lost in thought, darling?” Freddie asks, an eyebrow raised.   
Brian laughs at Freddie’s comment and smirks. “I think I know what. If you know what I mean.”   
I laugh, tossing my head back as I laugh, and return, “Oh, come off it. I was thinking about Deaky. I can’t stop thinking about how I want to take our feelings further without being in a relationship. You know what I mean?” I turn my head to look around just in case anyone else is watching or listening.   
Brian leans back onto the couch slowly with his hands steepled together and gives Freddie this look that seems to say that he has an idea that may help with my situation. Funnily enough, he did indeed have an idea. “I was thinking about what you said. And I think that I have an idea. A trick or prank of sorts.” I was intrigued immediately. “We can make Deaky a bit jealous. If we’re lucky, we’ll make Roger jealous as well.”   
My immediate thoughts were how in the world we’d do that. “How do you intend to do that, Bri?” Freddie asks as if he’s read my mind.   
A sly and smug grin, in a sort of a smirk, spreads wide across his face from ear to ear. I had a feeling that this prank or trick was going to be something out there and wild by my standards.   
“So I plan to have Freddie dare me to kiss you. Then we’ll kiss right as Deaky and maybe Rog is in the room. The ultimate goal will be to make Deaky jealous enough to want to take things further with you without going too far,” Brian proposes.   
I was right. His idea was wild. Out there. Bold. And, in a way, I liked it. I wanted to make Deaky jealous because I know that his cheeks turn red whenever he lies. It’s cute. “Alright, but this isn’t some plan you made up to get to kiss me, right?” I laugh, smiling all the while.   
His face goes from prideful and confident to embarrassed in a few seconds. It was funny to watch him realize that I could spin this on him just as well as he could spin something around on me. “No-No! Not like that and you know that, Lily.”   
“I’m teasing, Bri!” I exclaim, poking him playfully in the arm. We three erupt into laughter, but we’re interrupted by the sound of the door opening. I knew it to be Deaky and Roger walking through the door.   
Brian and Freddie exchange a look and, soon enough, Fred is leaning into Brian’s ear to whisper something. The plan was going according to plan because Deaky and Roger stopped in a confused manner to see what was going on with us.   
Then Brian smiles at me with a gleam in his eye. “Freddie dares me to kiss you, or else he's going to have me do something worse.”  
I laugh and reply, “Well, we wouldn’t want that. On with the dare then…”   
They both stood to the side, watching us. Brian only touches my shoulder to bring me closer and, as soon as I know it, we’re kissing. I felt nothing emotionally from it except the fact that I could see Deaky on the side with his mouth open in surprise. Roger looked as if he was going to explode. Oh yeah, they were both successfully jealous alright.   
Then as soon as we pulled away from each other just as quickly as it started, I made eye contact with them. I felt my face going as red as a fresh tomato. “Jealous are we, boys?” I ask with my arms crossed and a small smile playing in my lips.   
Awkwardly, Roger and Deaky both shuffle in their spots. Deaky was quieter now and his cheeks were flushed red. “No- I just- I’m surprised is all…”   
“Hmm, I’m calling you out. I think you’re lying because your cheeks are red and that happens whenever you lie, darling,” I state, my eyes locking with his.   
I stand up to approach them. Roger looks me in the eyes and there’s visible jealousy. It couldn’t be more obvious if he had a sign posted on his face. “I bet you wish that you were there instead of Brian, hmm?”   
Roger smiles a big smile and tries to step towards me, to which I lean back as a precaution. “Is it that obvious, love?”  
Love. He called me that, didn’t he? I had no idea how to feel about that. I felt my stomach in knots now. I had two guys jealous of a kiss between me and a guy that I’m best friends with that meant nothing to me. Lucky me.


	5. Chapter 5

Sometimes things aren’t as simple as they seem at a glance. Take me and Deaky for example. At a glance, we look like two people who like each other a lot, and not just for looks, and have the potential to be something better in a relationship. However, the fact is, I like him and he likes me but it’s not that simple. Something is keeping me from the obvious next step of which I can’t identify. And I can’t stress it enough.   
Sometimes when I’m sitting by myself and I get a chance to think and be alone with my thoughts, I think about that feeling I often get with Deaky where I just, well, want him and not even in a sexual way either. It’s the feeling that I just want to touch his skin and hug him and feel how warm he is when we cuddle. Or even feel how soft his hair is against my skin when my head is on his shoulder. Hear his voice when he talks to me and soak in his presence as if it’s physically impossible to have him by my side but I feel like I need it so bad. I often think about that a lot. Sometimes it’s even as simple as feeling butterflies whenever I hear his name or see a picture of him somewhere and sometimes it makes me so happy that I can’t stop smiling.   
In the midst of my thoughts, I caught myself staring off into space as I often do when I’m thinking so deeply like that. Slowly, I turned my head just in case someone was watching. Unfortunately for me, Freddie was walking inside the kitchen where I was sitting by myself and thinking. I could see him crack a smile.   
“Thinking?” he exhorts, still cracking a smile.   
I shrug my shoulders casually, rolling them in a small circular motion. I find myself also cracking a small, polite smile. “Ah, you caught me. I was- It’s that- I was just thinking about Deaky. Again.”   
Freddie sits next to me at the kitchen table, and I knew that he wanted to know more about what was going on through my head. I figured as much. He spoke no words because the curious look in his eyes says it all.   
“I was thinking a lot about how much I like Deaky. Because, well, at a glimpse it looks as if being in a relationship would be the natural next step at this point. For me-” I turn around to scan the doorway behind me just in case that someone, especially John, was there listening in on us. “It’s not that simple.”   
He gives me this look equipped with a raised eyebrow to convey it all. “And why not? It’s plain to everyone how he looks at you and how you look at him right back. You smile at each other like you’re each other’s world. So, what could possibly be in the way of that?” Freddie implores deeply, his chin resting on his hands, and his elbows propped on the table.   
“I- I don’t really know. All I know is that there’s something inside me that’s keeping me from taking that step…” I trail off, my eyes looking down at the table below me.   
“You know, I have noticed something. I know that Roger has been extra flirty with you because he likes you that much. But it might be the case that you’re flirting without even realizing it. Right?” Freddie suggests with a sly smirk.   
It’s almost as if I don’t have any other reaction then to laugh it off. “No, Freddie, I think you’ve got it wrong. I like messing with Rog, that’s all. Well,” I stopped myself for a moment. ‘Do I want to tell him about my casual attraction to Roger? It’s not like it’s that big of a deal.’ “I’ll admit that I think Roger is- um- cute? Hot? But it’s not like I like him on the same level as Deaky, if at all.”   
He smiles, and I put a finger to my lips as if to signal that it’s a secret. I’m even keeping it from Brian because I know how close he is to Roger. It’ll make it difficult to restrain Brian from telling Roger most anything. “Your secret is safe with me. From Brian, from John, and from Roger.” 

*** 

Somehow, nothing was going on in the house right now. Surprising, I know. However, the nothingness is going to be interrupted sooner rather than later.   
“Guys, I’m bored!” Roger yells throughout the house, his voice echoing through the halls and rooms.   
Deaky and I are sitting in the living room, his hand is on my waist as we sit on the couch together in comfortable silence. We both look at each other with the same sort of expression on our faces that seemed to say ‘Oh lord, not now Roger. What now?’ I crack a smile and let out a quiet giggle, my hand covering my mouth a bit.   
“How about a game, then?” Deaky suggests casually with a knowing smile.   
For a mere moment, I can feel his fingers on my waist tighten; and, it tickles me for a second and I have to hold in a giggle. However, I let it slip and Deaky smiles at me and laughs quietly, continuing to poke me slyly on the side of my stomach where I’m the most ticklish. Of course. I lay my head on his shoulder, with a broad smile plastered on my face, in an attempt to stop him from tickling me.   
“How about we play Paranoia?” I suggest while Deaky still tries to tickle me more. I can’t get this smile to come off my face either, but it feels good to smile this much and be this happy around someone I like this much.   
Freddie comes into the room and, as soon as he sees Deaky and me, he raises an eyebrow with a smile tugging at his lips. “Not interrupting anything am I?” he questions, his arms crossed.   
“No, no. Deaky’s just tickling me and I’m trying not to laugh too loud…” I mutter, a blush rising to my cheeks in the meantime.   
Roger and Brian enter the room and look at us, then at each other. They have smiles on their faces also. “Well then, what’s paranoia?” Roger asks, a mischievous gleam in his eye that seems to be as bright as the sun.   
With a small smile, I reply, “So everyone sits in a circle. You ask the person to your right a question that only you get to hear and the answer has to be the name of a person in the room. And you answer with everyone not knowing what the question is. So then someone flips a coin. If you get heads, the question is revealed and if you land tails, the question is never said. Hence the name ‘Paranoia.” I know exactly what could happen if I instigate this game and the boys all want to play it. However, where’s the fun in playing it safe?   
“Sounds like an awfully risky game to play, don’t you think Lily?” Freddie interjects. He’s playing a dangerous game, but I’m not afraid of playing a generous game right back. Well, maybe a small part of me was afraid but I didn’t pay any attention to it.   
“I’m in. Let’s all sit down on the floor,” Brian states with a grin.   
So, instantly, we all sit on the floor in a circle with Brian to my left and Freddie to my right, Deaky to his right, and Roger to Brian’s left. For a moment, we all just look at each other and exchange certain looks of which I can’t describe in words. I know for a fact that we’re all thinking the same thing: Who’s going to start the game?   
I continued to look around the circle, my stomach getting butterflies whenever my eyes passed Deaky or Roger. However, I gave Brian a look and I think he got the hint.   
“Okay, okay, I’ll ask Lily first.” Brian leans into my ear closely, so close that I can almost feel his breath on my face. “Out of everybody in this circle, who do you think would be the best kisser?”   
‘Gotta think quick… Who do I say? If I speak my mind, I gotta hope that the question stays a secret.’ I take a deep breath and smile. “I think Roger. But a part of me also says Deaky too…” My voice trails off as I almost don’t want to make eye contact with either of them.   
Although, I did anyway. In a way, they both look intrigued as to what the question is. I smile, covering my mouth to hide any indication as to what the question is or could be. Roger continues to flip the coin. Simultaneously, my stomach is doing flips just like the coin is. To my surprise, it lands on heads and my stomach ceases to flip and drops to the center of the Earth.   
“Alright, you want to tell them what the question is, Lily, or should I?” Brian suggests.   
My face turns bright red because I know that I have to tell everyone what the question is. God, now everyone will know that I think that Deaky and Roger are good kissers. Although, if I play it cool enough then no one will suspect. “No- I will. I, uh- Brian asked me who I think is the best kisser… I mean, Roger just seemed like a logical answer, but I’m hoping to find out if Deaky is a good kisser or not…” I purse my lips together and look down for a moment, avoiding all eye contact until I composed myself.   
“Maybe you’d like to see if I’m a good kisser, Lily,” Roger proposes with a hopeful, yet sly, grin.   
“Wouldn’t you like that, Rog? Nice try,” I add with a smirk and a laugh.   
“Lily! You kissed me that one time! And you didn’t consider me?” Brian reacts, pretending to be shocked.   
“Because you were just lucky that I agreed to your plan, Bri. Only to make them jealous” I punch him lightly in the arm and he chuckles lightly.   
However, Deaky seems a little more embarrassed, flustered, and speechless than everybody else. His eyes were wide and his whole face went red, a hand on his cheek in an attempt to cover it up. “You- Lily- I-”   
All I can do in response to him is smile and giggle, and I can feel my eyes sparkling.   
Time goes by to Freddie’s turn to ask John a question, and I’m mildly curious about what Freddie will ask him. He leans into Deaky and whispers something of which I can’t make out.   
But without any hesitation, he says my name with a grin and a soft look on his face. There’s love in his eyes and there’s no denying that. Whatever the question was, clearly I’m the answer. I flip a coin with my stomach like a pretzel. Unfortunately, the coin lands on tails.   
“Well, I guess you’ll never know why I said your name then, darling,” Deaky mutters, glancing at me before looking to the floor and covering his mouth to stifle a giggle.   
Deaky turns to Roger and whispers something into his ear. All eyes are on them for the moment, and the air is thick with tension that you can almost cut it with a knife. Rog smirks and gives a pointed look towards Brian.   
“Brian for sure. Although… I thought Lily at first but then thought that she’s too forward to keep something like that,” he says, placing his hands on his lap.   
The coin flips once again and this time it seems to go by quicker than any other round. Heads. I can’t stop myself from smiling from excitement.   
“I asked who Roger thought would be most likely to have a secret crush on someone but not tell anyone,” Deaky reveals, looking at Brian who was covering his entire face with his hands.   
“Well, Bri?” Freddie comes back. At this point, all eyes are on Brian and we all expect some sort of response.   
“You’re right. I do have a secret crush and said person knows about it. Right, Lily?” he continues with a grin and a look in my direction. He could not make it any more clear.   
“I knew it! Bri has a crush on Lily!” Roger yells, poking him in the side aggressively.   
“That he does, except I’ve friend-zoned him for… reasons.” I give an alluring smile and make eye contact with no one. I can’t give anything away, can I? 

*** 

The night comes to an end and time comes for everyone to go to sleep. I was prepared to get dressed in pajamas and sleep on the couch as I have been for most nights. Almost all the time Deaky spends the night with me on the couch until he goes back to his room. However, I didn’t expect anything different tonight from any other night.   
Deaky comes up to me with a flustered expression on his face. His eyes meet mine and, just like every time, it feels like the world around us is melting away. “Do you want to stay in my room tonight? I- I mean, we can sleep in the same bed and-”   
“Yes, I’d like that. Just let me get dressed in my pajamas,” I say, cutting him off abruptly.   
Just like that, I’m in Deaky’s room and I won’t be out until the morning. It’s not like anything will happen that’s too much. I know that for a fact. Neither of us is that bold enough to do anything like that.   
I wait on his bed with my legs swinging over the edge for Deaky to come out of the closet in his pajamas. Deaky walks out and he has no shirt on and some shorts as pajamas. My face immediately goes red and I instinctively look down at the ground in some attempt to hide a grin.   
“This is okay, right? I mean I can go and change if you like,” he offers, clearly seeing my face. I did not want him to change.   
“No. This is okay. Just come on in to bed before I change my mind.” I slip underneath the covers and pat the spot beside me.   
He slips under the sheets next to me, and I can feel the warmth of his bare skin against my skin and this almost feels foreign to me. However, he wraps me inside of his arms which sends a tingle down my spine. It feels very different to feel his bare chest against me. Although, I’m not complaining either.   
“Are you good and comfortable?” he asks me quietly. Wordlessly, I nod and rest my head on his chest. For a second, I shiver. I don’t want to admit that I’m cold, but I am for some reason.   
“Maybe a bit cold… But you feel warm. Even with- with your shirt off,” I admit.   
Without any hesitation, he turns so that he’s turned on his side and that I’m also laying on his side. Wrapping his arms around me once again, I’m pulled closer to him until there’s no space left. I have my head on his chest again, and I feel the warmth spreading through my body. “Better, darling?”   
I smile sleepily. “Yes… Much better.”   
He leans on to give me a small kiss on the cheek. However, I’m turning my head to look at him. Then, in a sudden twist of events, his lips meet mine and I feel the shock between us ever-so-slightly. Neither of us pulls away from each other. I like how his lips feel on mine. It’s as if I’m becoming more relaxed and sleepy as I kiss Deaky, but I don’t want to fall asleep so I can savor the kiss more, however unexpected it might have been.   
I slowly pull away and my eyes flutter closed like a bird flapping its wings. My head goes back to its place on Deaky’s chest as I drift off to sleep.   
“Goodnight…” he whispers, the last words I hear before I’m fully asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

They always tell you that the right people come into your life at certain times in your life. I firmly believe that Deaky, Roger, Brian, and Freddie are in my life for a reason, that’s for sure. And I hope that they’ll never leave with my entire being and life-force. Everything’s been better with them in my life, and I’m not changing a thing about it. But I remember that when I first met them I wasn’t sure that they were even ‘life-long friend material’. Clearly I was wrong about that.   
However, when I awoke this morning, I looked to see Deaky still sleeping beside me. He looks so cute when he’s sleeping like this. I can’t help but smile sleepily at him and stare at him. The memory of our kiss last night flashed in my brain like lightning in a storm. It was our first kiss, and the most surprising thing about it is that the kiss was unintentional. He simply went in for a kiss on the cheek until I moved my head to look into his eyes. God, how I love his eyes so much.   
As I continued to look at him, his arm still draped lightly around me and touching my back, I noticed how his hair fell over his face and around his shoulders. I loved his hair and how long it was and how it feels on my face when I have my head on his shoulder. I felt like I wanted to keep staring at him forever until he wakes up from sleeping. However, I also didn’t want to wake him up; so, I kept deathly still like a corpse.   
Sometimes, you can’t explain why you like a person or what you see in them that makes you so attracted to them. To me, it’s all about how they make you feel on the inside whenever you lock eyes across the room without any words or how they make you feel when you hear their name or think about them. But, most importantly, it’s all about how they can take you to another place that no one else can. I feel this so hard that it’s ridiculous.   
Amid my thinking, I feel Deaky shuffle and move around me. His lips parted for a second before his eyes opened slowly and met mine as soon as he woke up. I love that the first thing he thinks about or looks at when he wakes up is me. It makes me feel that certain feeling that I can’t explain, even if there was a gun to my head.   
“Good morning, Deaky,” I mutter, a smile growing on my lips.   
He lays his head beside me on the pillow and places a hand on my face. “Good morning. Did you sleep well, darling?” he whispers.   
Chuckling, I reply, “Of course… I fell asleep with you. How could I not?”   
He touches his forehead to mine silently. “You’re very beautiful, you know that right?” he comments, a smile on his face.   
“You think I’m beautiful?” I add.   
No one has ever called me beautiful before like that, with such admiration and love and affection that you can’t deny that he loves me the way I do. Not even my old college boyfriend told me that I was beautiful. But it’s his loss because I have two great guys that like me so much that it’s almost impossible.   
“Of course… And it’s not just how you look. It’s everything about you and I love that. All of it,” he comments, planting a kiss on my forehead.   
There aren’t any words that I can say that’ll compare to anything that Deaky has just said. I love how he has such a way with words even though he’s often labeled as quiet and shy. Some people say that two quiet people could never work as a couple because they would always be bored around each other since all they would do is sit together and not talk most of the time. However, I disagree with whoever says that and believes that because two quiet people who love and care about each other will always open up and be lively and talkative around each other. But then they will always be comfortable in each other’s silence because they know that they still care about each other, and it’ll never feel boring.   
“Do you want to go and join the others before they decide to come in themselves?” I ask, trying hard not to fall back asleep in his arms.   
“Sure,” he responds as he gets out of bed with me. “Um, do you want to wear this shirt of mine? I think that it’ll look lovely on you…”   
He puts on a pajama shirt of his own and holds up another one for me to wear. I have to say that it makes me blush to think about wearing one of Deaky’s shirts. I don’t know why, but it does. “Sure, just let me change real fast.”   
As quick as that, we were all ready and dressed to go and talk to the others and eat breakfast. I felt so comfortable wearing Deaky’s t-shirt, so warm and fuzzy on the inside. I keep wondering if they’re going to notice and say something about it. If they do, there’s no doubt they’ll say something and tease us. I take that as I sign that they’re my friends and that’s what friends do. 

*** 

After breakfast ended, everyone got ready to head to the studio to record for the album. My job is going to be to supervise and make sure that everything’s getting recorded. I’ll have a microphone so that they can hear me and I’ll be able to hear them.   
“Alright, boys, are we ready?” I ask into the microphone. In response, they give me smiles and a thumbs up. Of course, there’s only two of them that give me that feeling in my stomach.   
A few minutes later into recording, I hear the phone in my booth going off. “Guys, we’re getting a call. So we’re going to have to pause for now until it’s over.” I pause the tape while they set their instruments down and look at me.   
“Hello? This is Lily James.”   
“Lily? This is your mother! It’s good to talk to you again, honey.”   
“Of course, mum!”   
“I wanted to talk to you about the new job. How is that going? What are they like?”   
I pause and chuckle at her various questions. “Well, we’ve paused recording so I can take your call. But it’s okay because we’ve hardly gotten anywhere. But they’re all very nice and talented…”   
“Well? You tell me about them!” I have to laugh out loud.   
“Brian, the guitar player, is basically like a brother to me, my best friend. We tell each other everything. Freddie, the singer, is also my best friend but different, you know? We joke around and laugh. Roger, he’s the drummer, well, he’s very out there and flirty with me. But I think, if I’m honest, that he’s kind of cute. Hot. But it’s a secret. Then John… He and I are very close. We spend a lot of time together. Oh, he’s the bass player. I think he’s amazing.”   
“Oh? It sounds like there’s more with those two Roger and John than meets the eye.”   
“No, well neither of them knows how I feel about them.”   
“What do they look like?”   
“Roger has these bright blue eyes and long, shaggy blonde hair about to his shoulders. He’s the kind of guy that you’d see in magazines and cut out the photo. But John… His eyes are greenish-grey and I think I stare at them longer than I care to admit. His hair is long and wavy, a brown color. He- Well, I don’t know.”   
“Honey, I think you are understating things. I say that you don’t just have a crush on Roger, but you like him. A lot. And John, I think you’re in love with him. Is that right, hmm?”   
That’s when I notice that they can hear everything that my mom and I are saying. I gulp, the color draining from my face, and my eyes widening. “Um, I have to go. We- Uh, we need to get going to record. Bye, I love you!”   
I hurriedly hang up the phone and all I can do is look at them. Roger is giving me this look. You know, that look. Deaky looks a little surprised but also flustered with the slightest hint of a smile, while Brian and Freddie are smirking at me.   
I walk into the studio and say, “Well, I guess there are a few things that I haven’t told you…” My voice trails off.   
“I’ll say. When have you liked Roger? And since when haven’t you told Deaky that you’re in love with him? And why haven’t you told me?!” Brian exclaims.   
“I’ve known about Lily liking Rog,” Freddie boasts.   
My face goes sheet white as if I’ve seen a ghost.   
“Look, I’ll chat with Rog first, then Deaky, and then Bri I’ll talk to you last. It’s all very necessary, you know.” I announce.   
In the meantime, while they all walk out, Deaky giving me this pleading look, Roger places a hand on my back.   
For a second after everyone else leaves the room, Roger and I are silent as if neither of us knows where to start. I mean, I hardly knew where to start either because there was so much that happened in such a short time.   
Then, Roger begins to speak after some silence passed. “Well? Do you like me? That much? I figured as much if I’m honest. The way that you flirt with me… Everyone kind of had a little hint,” Roger smiles, raising an eyebrow.   
I blush red. “Well, I didn’t know that I was flirting back… But It’s just that- Well, I didn't admit that I liked you until recently because I felt like I was cheating on Deaky even though we’re not together.”   
He smiles at me soothingly. “Don’t feel bad about having feelings for more than one person. Explore these feelings while the time’s still good. But… If you choose me, then I’d be happy,” Roger explains.   
I smile at him, looking down at my feet. Then, suddenly, he goes in for a kiss. He begins by snaking a hand around the back of my neck and placing the other on my back. The kiss gradually gets more passionate, slowly, and slowly. Lord, he is a good kisser. Very good. I didn’t know what exactly to think about all of this. In a short time to each other, I’ve had my first kiss with both Roger and Deaky.   
However, during our kiss, I remembered Deaky. I still need to speak to him. Placing a hand on his chest, I gently push him away to try to stop it. “I-I need to talk with Deaky. But you were very- very good.” My voice cracked a bit while I cracked a smile. I tried to swallow my nerves that were bouncing off the walls. The attempt was met with no results, though.   
“So soon, love?” he asks, almost in a pur. His voice sends a tingle down my spine.   
“Yes… Unfortunately,” I state, walking towards the door with my head hung low.   
The door creaks open and it’s like it is the only sound in the room. That’s how silent it must be right now. Amid the silence, I hear his footsteps entering the room. More silence. Then, his gaze meets mine and I almost want to look away for fear that he saw our kiss. God, what if they all saw it? I would never hear the end of it. It all begins when the door shuts.   
“Lily… You never told me that you are in love with me,” Deaky states. His face is flushed red with a shy grin plastered on his face.   
“Yes. I- Well, I think I always have and never realized it or admitted it to myself. But- I mean, I was never going to be just friends with you, Deaky. But then when I found out about my feelings for Roger… Things got more complicated. That’s the hardest thing,” I let out with a small sigh. My hands are folded behind my back as I rock back and forth on my heels.   
Placing a hand on my arm, he adds, “I’m not going to pretend that I’m not jealous about you and Roger. We all saw it. The kiss. That didn’t look like just friends to me. Of course, we all see how you and Roger flirt with each other all the time.” As he spoke, he almost sounded sad and sorrowful. My heart winces at the very thought of that; however, I’m also not going to pretend that my kiss with Roger wasn’t good either.   
“I know, I know. But… I just feel bad for paying attention to one of you over the other because I feel as though I need to be committed to one of you,” I admit, my heart pounding out of my chest harder with every beat.   
He sighs heavily as if recomposing himself and his thoughts. “Look, I want you to know that it’s okay for you to have feelings for me and Rog. I mean… I am a little jealous, but that’s okay because I’m so in love with you too. But I want you to explore what you’re feeling for both of us.   
So have that kiss with me or make out with Roger. Flirt with him or cuddle with me on the couch. I don’t know… Just, I’ll be supportive if you choose him over me, but I’ll be happy if you choose me as well. But if you choose to be in a relationship with neither of us and continue on this path, that’s okay too. I want you to be happy. I don’t care about who you're happy with except for yourself.”   
The entire time he talks to me, he keeps eye contact with me. God, I love how his sparkle. Looking deeper, I can see the raw emotion and how hard this is to tell me because of the risk that I won’t choose to be happy with him. I’m single with my heart taken by two people and that’s the hardest thing in the world.   
Though, I can’t help but smile so wide that my cheeks start to hurt. I was happy. So incredibly happy that both of these guys want me to be happy even if it’s not with them. Well, not in so many words in some cases. “Deaky, you don’t know how much that means to me.-” I had to stop myself because I realized something he said in his speech. He told me that he was so in love with me.   
“Wait, you said you’re in love with me too…” I say in a gasp.   
Wordlessly, Deaky nods and embraces me in a hug in which I place my head on his shoulder, his head resting on top of mine. “Forever,” he whispers.   
A few moments of silence pass before I feel his jaw moving, signaling that he’s going to talk. “You know that I’d love to stay here with you. But… We both know that Brian is wanting to talk to you. He feels left out that you didn’t tell him about Roger,” he tells me reluctantly.   
I stifle a chuckle. “Well, he must feel left out because he’s figured out that I have feelings for you and Roger and not him because we all know of his crush on me.” He lifts his head to look at me with bewildered, wide eyes. “I’m kidding, Brian and I have talked about it and we’re at an understanding.”   
Both of us are laughing, and we head for the door and I give Brian a look to signal to him that I’m ready to talk with him.   
As quickly as my talk with Deaky ended, Brian was in the room. I felt a wave of exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion. I felt as though I’d been exercising for an hour straight even though I wasn’t at all. It’s strange how much talking can wear you out as an intense workout could as well.   
“You look like you need a hug first. I know how much you feel stressed and confused right now,” Brian suggests, giving me a look that seems to understand.   
I smile gratefully as he envelops me in a hug. He was so much taller than me that my head reached his chest. However, it felt nice and soothing to know that I have such a good friend like him on my team.   
“So… How come you never told me about your bizarre thing for Roger, hmm?” he asks in a joking manner.   
“Well, I know how close you are with him in friendship. So if I did tell you, he’d know that you know something about me and badger you until he got it out of you. We both know that would happen for sure.   
But I withheld from admitting anything because of a boyfriend that I had in the past in college.” I look back into the booth where I can see them standing in a group. “They can hear all of our conversations, right?”   
He laughs out loud, hard, and replies, “Yes. Why?”   
“That boyfriend… His name was Dean and I was practically in love with him. So much that I thought it was ridiculous. But I thought he felt the same way even though he was a huge flirt. Like if we were out at a bar together and he saw a pretty girl, he would flirt with her then at home, he would act as if nothing of the sort happened. And the worst part was that I let it happen. I soon figured out the hard way that he wasn’t in love with me at all. So I broke up with him at the beginning of my last year of college,” I admitted, letting everything out and hoping that they could all hear me.   
“So when I started to fall hard for Deaky, I didn’t want another repeat even though I know that he felt something for me too. And then I began to like Roger too and I got nervous since I knew that he’s a big flirt too. But here we are…” I added begrudgingly.   
He smiles at me comfortingly and sets a hand on my shoulder with a squeeze. “They both are over the moon for you, you know. So don’t worry. But if they mess up, Fred and I will be glad to set them straight for you.”   
I smile back at him and say, “Thank you. I’m glad that I have someone that I can count on. I mean, I’ve never had any siblings of my own; and, you’re the only sibling-like figure I have in my life.” I flash a smile at him.   
I have one best friend who’s like a brother to me, Brian, and the best friend who’s the one who I can joke with and play around with, Freddie. They’re special to me in their unique ways and relevant to me in their different ways as well. The same applies to Deaky and Roger as well. With Deaky, I can explore the more innocent parts of a relationship whereas with Roger I can explore the… different aspects of a relationship. If you catch my drift, so to speak.   
However, I finally notice Fred and Bri giving exchanging looks then glancing at Deaky and me, which gives me a suspicion that they’re up to something. All of a sudden, Brian is grabbing me by the arm and pulling me outside while Freddie is doing the same with Deaky. My pulse begins to accelerate and the butterflies start-up in my stomach again. We both give each other a look that seems to say ‘What’s going on?’.   
Before we know it, Brian and Freddie smile wryly at us and shout, “We’re locking you in here. Call it Seven Minutes in Heaven, except we decide when time’s up…” Then the door slams shut with a loud sound and darkness envelops us, covering everything around us until our eyes eventually adjust to our darkened surroundings. I found the lightswitch by feeling the wall until I felt it underneath my fingertips.   
“So… What now?” he questions, looking me straight in the eyes which always makes my knees feel weak and my face burns red like a flame.   
“I’m guessing that there’s one reason that they want us in here- To kiss. I mean, why else would they want us in here?” I joke, chuckling, my eyes falling to the floor before meeting Deaky’s gaze again.   
He was quiet again before continuing, “Do you mean like your kiss with Roger earlier? Because that was quite…” Deaky trails off before he could continue his sentence, obviously too embarrassed to say the words.   
I can’t help but laugh, and I instinctively cover my mouth with my hand to muffle my laugh. “Passionate? Yes, that’s what our kiss was like. And I won’t lie. He’s a good kisser,” I admit with a grin.   
“Now is as good a time as any because we don’t know if they’ll be back anytime soon… So- If I may- Let’s test to see if I’m just as good as Roger…” he suggests, raising an eyebrow and his eyes gleaming under the dim closet lighting.   
And without any other words being spoken, he brings me ever-so-slightly closer and slides his arms around my upper back, my arms around his neck. Soon enough, we were kissing in a way in which I’ve never felt him kiss me before. Granted, we’ve only kissed one other time. This is our time to kiss like no one’s watching because, in a way, nobody was watching us.   
Slowly, things got more passionate and closer to a make-out session than anything. Yet, the atmosphere always managed to stay calm and gentle rather than heated and fiery like things often got with Roger. I was against the back wall of the closet with Deaky gently pressing against me. God, I only hoped that Freddie, Brian, or Roger wouldn’t open up the door to find us like this. Not that I’m ashamed of this, it’s just that it’s quite embarrassing to have your friends find you when they purposely put you on here.   
However, I had to stop for a quick breath of air; and, as I stopped, I felt him smiling and I couldn’t help but smile too. That’s the thing, I find that his smiles are so contagious that it’s strange when he doesn’t make me smile as well. That was his nature and personality. He’s quiet and introverted with sarcasm running through him and a secret dirty side to him that he seldom lets anyone see. However, he can be the chattiest person when you’re alone with him and he’s that comfortable with you. That's what I love about him. It’s everything. From his personality to his most handsome features about him.   
“Wow… That was- I-” He stops and chuckles. “I can’t even find the right words to describe how amazing you are.”   
All I did was let him hold me in his arms until they found us again. We had our moment and it was wonderful. I can still feel the passion and love that I felt in that moment, and I can and never will forget it.   
But how was I to know that a tiny spark could cause such a big wildfire? But how was I also to know that there was a tiny spark left that ignited when I learned about my true feelings for Roger? And the thing is, I know that someday it’ll turn into something more than a spark and I just don’t know when or what’ll happen to my existing wildfire between me and Deaky.


	7. Chapter 7

It’s funny how time goes so fast when you’re around people who make life so much more fun, and it makes life feel like it’s going nonstop. How did four years already pass? How is it already 1976? It felt like yesterday when I got the phone call from my mother that practically changed everything. Nothing has been the same since then, but how is that a bad thing? Life and people are meant to change and I feel like that’s okay. However, what hasn’t changed is my feelings for Deaky and Roger. I feel so hard for both of them, but I feel different things for each of them. You know, for different reasons. I’ve been exploring things and I still don’t know. But now is the time to feel like this and do these kinds of things because I’m still young. Granted, I’m 26-years-old. Roger is one year older than me, and Deaky is one year younger than me.   
However, today felt like a normal day. It’s a rare occasion where we had nothing to be doing. A day off was rare. Well, I wouldn’t consider it a ‘day off’ more than a day where no one was asking us to do anything in particular.   
As for my job, I love it. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today with the boys. At first, it was more of a general assistant job; but, now I’m more of a personal assistant to Roger and Deaky than anyone else. However, I still assist everyone nonetheless.   
It was mid-morning where we all finished breakfast and I sat on the couch watching television idly, and it was yet another rare moment where Brian and I get to hang out with each other without anyone else there. I liked being able to do things like this since he’s one of my best friends and I seldom get to do this.   
I found myself zoning out, but too lazy to zone back in. So, I continued to stare absent-mindedly at the TV. Perhaps I was just that relaxed or perhaps I was still tired from waking up this morning.   
My tired trance was interrupted by Brian poking me in the arm silently, over and over again. He stared at me and kept on poking me in the arm until I gave him the attention that he wanted. I let him do this for a few more moments until I got annoyed and turned to him.   
“Can I help you? Is the silence too deafening for you?” I joked with a small smirk tugging at my lips.   
In return, he laughs and says, “No, I wanted to bug you until you finally paid attention to me. And it worked didn’t it?”   
“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?” I come back with a grin, holding back more laughter.   
Our conversations often were like this. Witty banter with sarcasm sprinkled here and there. Although sometimes we had serious conversations where we caught up on things going on and, a lot of the time, we admit things that no one else knows because we’re each other’s safe place. Freddie is too much of a drama-centered person to keep big, juicy secrets that I tell to Brian. Although, he will keep them if I ask nicely. Otherwise, he delights in seeing me squirm when he tells whoever the secret is about right in front of me. That’s the basis of our friendship, which I don’t mind. It’s funny most of the time.   
“I do. But that’s not what I was going to say. I wanted to get a chance to talk while we’re by ourselves. Not anything too personal, but just talking because we never get a chance to since Deaky or Roger want your attention a lot of the time,” Brian comments, looking around the room slightly for a second.   
“It’s not my fault that I’m well-liked by all, now is it?” I return with a knowing look.   
However, just as we were talking, Roger sits by me with a blank look plastered on his face and gently headbutt me on the shoulder to signal that he’s showing me affection and, most likely, wants attention. I didn’t want to pause my conversation with Brian, however, so all I did was pat his face absentmindedly to acknowledge that I received his attention and knew that he wanted my attention. Roger continued to rest his head on me as I talked with Brian.   
“Do you mean like this, Bri?” I ask slyly, placing an arm around Roger and squeezing him.   
“Yes, although I’m glad that you haven’t turned your attention fully on him.” He stops for a minute and makes a face that seems like he’s thinking about something. “Has anyone seen Deaky this morning? Lily?”   
Roger laughs at his comment, and my face turns red as they both look at me. “Well, I haven’t seen him, if that’s what you’re assuming! I think he’s still sleeping. He was pretty tired last night…” My voice trails off as I look in the direction of his bedroom.   
We both erupt in laughter, and I rest my head on top of Roger’s head. “So, any plans for today? Or are you planning on being lazy all day?” I question with a blank expression, looking over at Brian. I absentmindedly begin to rub my arm up and down Roger’s arm.   
“Hmm, I need to head over to the grocery store for a few things. If you like, you can join me. And Roger can come too. If he doesn’t have at least one responsible person in the house, things will be chaos. With both of us gone, it’ll be mad without us,” Brian suggests with a smirk.   
“You know, I think you’re right. And I’ll come along knowing that Roger is going to tag along as well, right?” I comment with a wry grin.   
Quickly, we all got ready to go out to the grocery store. I got dressed in clothes that I deemed acceptable to be out in. I decided to dress in a plain shirt and a pair of jeans and a pair of boots. Swiftly, I brushed my teeth and my hair so it wouldn’t look like I had just gotten out of bed.   
Taking one final look in my bathroom mirror, I head out to wait for Brian and Roger in the main room. However, as I walked down the hall, I passed Deaky’s bedroom and saw him walking out the door. “Well good morning, sleepyhead…” I said with a grin on my face and placing a quick kiss on his lips.   
He looks at me and replies, “Going somewhere?”   
“Brian, Roger, and I are going to the grocery store. Why?” I ask as I continue walking with him down the hall and into the main room.   
Brian eyes us walking together and he smiles knowingly as if he had gotten an idea. The smile only seems to get wider as we walk further into the room. “Why don’t you, Roger and Deaky go to the store and I’ll give you the grocery list… Have fun…” He suggests, giving me a wink.   
“How ‘bout it? Come with us, Deaky?” I ask, my eyes wide and a grin on my face that seems to be pleading. He smiles and runs back into his room to get dressed and ready for the grocery store.   
It makes my heart flutter knowing that both of them are going. Not that it wouldn’t be fun with Brian, Roger, and I there together. But I knew that Brian knew what he was doing, especially with that face he had and the wink. This trip was going to be interesting, and I knew that for sure.   
Several minutes later, he comes out of his room in a hoodie and sunglasses in his hand for which, I assume, to be at least a bit unrecognizable. Roger also wore a hoodie except with a hat in his hand that I assumed he was going to wear while walking around the store. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them wearing anything as casual as that, I’ll admit. I liked it.   
“Ready? I’ll drive.” I told them, Roger and Deaky following me like duckling behind a mother duck.   
The door shuts behind us, and the three of us walk out to my car that’s parked idly on the curb. The slight sunshine gleams off of the car so brightly that it’s almost blinding.   
I look over at Roger and Deaky and they’re exchanging the same look. I know what they are thinking about. Most likely, they’re thinking about who gets to ride shotgun with me up-front. I smirk at them, speaking no words and raising an eyebrow.   
Roger grins smugly while Deaky smiles and glances over at the passenger seat. Both of their smiles make my heart thump just a little harder every beat and I feel the same pit of feelings form in my stomach when I lock eyes with him.   
I give a slight nod to them as if permitting them to see who gets to go first. I don’t care how they get to that point, but I just want to get it on with. Gripping the grocery list in my hand tightly, I watch as they break into a run and race towards the available seat. I have to laugh at their enthusiasm over who gets to sit by me first.   
By slipping past Deaky, Roger places his hand on the door handle of the car with a wry smile in Deaky’s directions. “I win,” he says pointedly.   
I laugh out loud as I see both of their expressions. Deaky’s expressions, as he’s looking at me, is more disappointed but still looking at me as if I’m his world. It’s all of the little things that count. From how Deaky looks at me and how he smiles so brightly only for me. And how Roger is always so, um, eager to be around me and be alone with me and how he’s always confident which makes me blush like a red sunset.   
“Well, Deaky, don’t be too worried because you’ll get to sit up front when we’re heading back home,” I reply casually with a cheeky wink and a smile. I love how it makes him smile so smugly while simultaneously makes him blush.   
I glanced all-around the car to look at everyone in their chosen seats. The sunlight was slightly being covered by the passing bunches of clouds which made the temperature seem to drop dramatically within seconds, the world darkening for a mere second before the sun came out from behind the sun again.   
“Ready?” My eyes meet Roger’s first and his piercing blue eyes seem to cut through me like a sharp knife cutting through my skin. It’s a strange sort of feeling, I’ll admit. This feeling starts as a small, condensed ball that slowly begins to spread out as if it were dissolving in a cup of water. My cheeks burn like a wildfire through a brush-filled mountainside and fans out to my entire face in no time at all.   
I turned my attention to the back seat of my car where Deaky sat there with a blank expression on his face before it brightened as he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly as he did so, as my eyes met his eyes. I felt a similar sensation to before, but this time it began in the very center of my heart. This made me more aware of the alternating beating patterns of my heart to which it could either be skipping beats or rapidly getting quicker. Which one it was specifically I couldn’t tell you.   
As I recalled the few moments I was looking at Deaky and Roger, it reminded me of something. People, for the most part, believe that if you’re together for a long time then you must feel everything that’s related to love. However, if you’re with someone for a short period, then you can’t possibly feel as if you’ve known him or her forever or know that you’re in love with the other person. As for my opinion, relationships and feelings shouldn’t be measured on a scale of ascending time but rather it should be measured on how much you feel for someone or how much you love someone.   
It was when, out of the corner of my eye, I was aware that Roger was staring at me with a curious and knowing look that was plastered all across his face. I hadn’t spoken for the whole ride because I’ve been so caught up in my thoughts.   
“You’ve been staring at me, then?” I remarked with a grin. I pull the car into the grocery store parking lot with the grocery list laying on the dashboard. The sunlight grazes the sheet of paper ever-so-slightly and makes it glow.   
“How could I not? You’re so… captivating when you’re thinking like that.” Roger leans in closer to me. So close that my breath catches in my throat for a moment. His eyes continue to pierce through my skin right to my soul which sends a tingling sensation down my spine. It’s like I can’t look him straight in the eyes even though I know for a fact that he’s looking at my eyes. The air is tense around us, the feeling growing rapidly.   
In a quick, fluid movement, I get up out of my seat with my car keys and grocery list gripped tightly in my hands. Deaky puts his hand on my back, warmth spreading from that spot where he touched me. Slowly, he pulls me closer to him until the space between us is nonexistent and his arm is around my shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.   
“Um, uh, Are we ready? Because, you know, we can head inside now.” I stumble over my own words, of course, that’s nothing out of the ordinary, right?   
“Of course, love,” Roger mutters under his breath. Roger makes an effort to brush his hand against mine in a quick motion, and even moments after I can feel it where his hand brushed against mine. I can say confidently that he did it on purpose because Deaky has his arm around me as he ceases to remove it.   
“Yes, darling,” Deaky tells me. He rubs his hand up and down my arm slowly.   
They both wear their hoodies with Deaky wearing the hood of his over his head and his sunglasses on his face and Roger having his hat on his head that obstructs his face a bit. We wouldn’t want anyone to stop them in the middle of the store, would we?   
The air hit my face like a slap on my cheek, but it felt nice dissimilar to someone slapping me. The piece of paper in my hand begins to get more wrinkled because of my grip continuing to tighten on it slightly with each passing minute.   
Deaky removes his hand from my shoulder casually but still keeps close to me like a magnet to metal with Roger close to me on the other side. It takes me off-guard when I continue to feel Roger’s fingers brushing up against mine every so often as if he were not-so-subtly hinting at something while Deaky is still making an effort to try to hold my hand.   
I can’t help but grin and laugh, my hand covering my mouth to stifle the laugh, at their funny attempts at flirting. In a quick decision, I decided to grab each of their hands so I was holding both of their hands at the same time with different hands. “Does that satisfy you, boys?” I ask with a wink at both of them.   
Deaky only responds with a nervous laugh and smiles with a slight nod. God, his smile gets me every time and there won’t ever be a time where I won’t swoon and sigh and get butterflies in my stomach when he smiles and looks at me.   
Roger, however, replies, “Very. I was hoping that you would get my hint. Although, I did want to just take your hand myself…” His voice trails off as he looks away for a moment.   
I love how their hands fit so perfectly in mine and how my whole body feels warm when I think about it. I’m not sure why, but I feel like a lot of people can relate. In the meantime, as we walk down the aisles with people pushing shopping carts scattered everywhere, I swing my arms slightly and a grin grows on my face.   
“Well, we need to get orange juice and ice cream. A short grocery list, I guess,” I comment as I recall the items written on the list that Brian gave me.   
Deaky squeezes my hand with a small yet bright smile. “We can always wander around for a bit. I’m sure that they won’t mind,” he suggests.   
I nudge him in the arm with my shoulder, our hands still connected, with the grin on my face never fading. It’s funny how I seem to smile far more with them than I do with anyone else. When I smile more often, it’s as if I’m more energized and it’s as though I’ve drunk a cup of coffee already. Things seem so much more bright and cheerful when you smile more, and I guess I never really realized that until just now.   
Roger’s statement, however, broke me out of my thoughts, “Well, I’d like to walk ‘round for a bit. That way I- we- will be able to spend more time together. And that's never a bad thing.”   
The cool air of the freezer section of the grocery store comes upon us like a gentle summer breeze blowing through my hair. Rows upon rows of cold deserts and frozen dinners and ice cream pints line the shelves inside the clear doors where the aisle seems to go on more than it does. I feel a shiver run through my body as the chill air of the freezers hits my body and makes the hairs on my arm stand up.   
Reluctantly, I feel Deaky let go of my hand with one final squeeze and says, “I’ll go look for a good ice cream flavor.”   
A mischievous grin spreads across Roger’s lips and his eyes gleam as if he has a plan formulating inside his head. I know he’ll take advantage of any alone time we get to spend with each other, and I have a feeling that I know what his thoughts are right now. “You look cold… Why don’t I keep you warm while Deaky’s over there...” His voice trails off ever-so-slightly as his arms wrap around my shoulders.   
I can’t help but let a giggle slip out of my mouth. “Roger! There are people around! What if they see us?” I said softly.   
“No, no, there aren’t any other people around; and, if you’re worried about Deaky seeing us, I know that he’ll be a bit while he decides on a flavor. So let’s enjoy this moment while we can, hmm?” he mutters into my ear, leaning closer and closer to me.   
He brought his lips to mine, and they feel soft as he continues to kiss me, the passion increasing slightly without getting too wild. It felt electric like a lightning bolt flashing in the night sky during a storm. He knew what he was doing, which is never a bad thing of course.   
In a quick motion, I place my finger on Roger’s lips and I smile shyly. It had become apparent to me that we were in a grocery store still with potential passersby looking at us and watching… And I don’t want that.   
“Alright, that’s good for now. Gotta keep you on your toes, don’t I?” I joke.   
He laughs quietly and replies, “God, Lily, I don’t know if I can take it.”   
We make our way over to Deaky and I try to hide the fact that my face may or may not be turning red. I swallow any apparent nerves that might be lingering in my throat.   
His head turns to us and he smiles a toothless grin. I place a hand on his arm, my hand sliding down to his hand and hooking my index finger on his index finger. “Having fun over here, Deaky?”   
He brings me closer so my head is resting on his shoulder, and I feel his hair against my neck and my face. “Well, if you consider choosing an ice cream flavor fun, then yes. Though, you were no help either,” Deaky comments with a sly grin on his face.   
“We got distracted by something. But we’re here now, right?” Roger fires back.  
I turn to Roger and give him a look while saying, “Rog, why don’t you go and pick out the orange juice? You know which kind we like, don’t you, love?”   
There was a hint of pink on his cheeks before he turned away with a nod as if to hide his embarrassment. I found that cute and my eyes lingered a little while longer as I saw him walking away, my eyes admittedly looking down a bit before I snapped away.   
“Now we get our alone time,” I hinted, the corner of my mouth turning up slightly.   
His hoodie felt warm against my cold body and the cool temperature of my body melting away like ice on a hot sidewalk. He continued to hold me with one arm wrapped around my shoulder as we stared at the ice cream choices.   
Silently, I walk up to the freezer and choose chocolate ice cream with a childish grin. “There, this is our choice. What do you think, babe?” I ask quietly, exploring his eyes for a moment and almost getting lost in them as I tend to do.   
“I love it…” he utters, walking with me out of the freezer section. “Was I keeping you warm, darling? Because I saw that you were cold before.”   
I love how he notices the small things like that. So observant, and that's part of what makes him so amazing. With a giggle, I reply, “Yeah, I guess I was a little cold. But you felt nice and warm…” My eyes dropped down towards the floor.   
Without any hesitation, Deaky wraps his arm around me again with a small grin and plants a sweet and innocent kiss on my lips as we continue to wander down the aisles again. We rarely kiss, contrary to Roger and I too, but when we do it feels like magic and a spark ignites within my soul.  
However, as time went on, both of us noticed that Roger had been gone for a while and he hasn’t come back yet. I find that strange considering that we gave him a relatively easy task, then he should’ve come right back. Right? Simple as that.   
Deaky and I exchanged a glance, and I knew we’re thinking the same thing. Where’s Roger?   
“Lily and John… Your child is at Register 10.” I can’t help but roll my eyes because I know exactly what happened. Deaky and I walked away from the aisle we were in previously, the freezer section, and Roger couldn’t find us. So, in retaliation, he came up to the registers and had someone make an announcement. And I thought Freddie was dramatic.   
As we approached the columns of registers lined up before us. A lit-up sign that read the number 10 caught my eye and there sat Roger sitting at the counter, pouting that we left him. Oh yeah. He was with us, and I was hoping that no one saw because I was a bit embarrassed. But he did look cute with his fake-puppy dog eyes, so I had to smile with a little eye roll.   
“Is he yours?” the lady asks in a monotone, boring voice. Her expression is plain and neutral as if she’d rather be anywhere else but here.   
Deaky scoffs and sighs. “Unfortunately.”   
“Well, he’s with us if that’s what you’re asking. He’s our friend… Not our child. Roger’s just being overly dramatic. Again. Isn’t that right?” I add with a sly smirk.   
Deaky and I checked out our items with Roger trailing behind us, and soon enough we were walking out of the grocery store with Deaky’s hand on my upper back and Roger standing close to me like glue.   
Roger and Deaky switch their spots, so this time Roger was in the back seat. Deaky had a triumphant look spread all across his face with his cute smile being the cherry on top.   
The drive back home was littered with casual conversation that seemed to make the drive shorter than it was. So, before I knew it, the house came into sight and I pulled up to the curb.   
As we entered inside, however, I heard something from upstairs. Like… Yelling maybe? It’s Freddie talking from up the stairs in a different room. Of course, I know that something is up because Brian had an exasperated look on his face which changed a little, brightened up a bit when he saw us enter. “You’ll never guess what happened,” he states plainly as he glances up at the stairs.   
Freddie descends carrying an orange-looking cat in his arms with a huge smile on his face. Oh. My. God.   
“Is that a cat?!” I exclaim in a squeal and a smile spreading across my face.   
“Oh yes. Her name is Tiffany. Isn’t she lovely? I’m so glad you love cats too because we’re keeping her no matter what darling,” Freddie says happily.   
He hands Tiffany to me and, to my surprise, she happily sits in my arms and I feel the warmth of her fur against my skin. Oh my god, I love her so much. I cuddle Tiffany against my chest and hug her gently. “Yes, I love her so much! It’s- I-” I got to the point where I didn’t even know what to say anymore. I’m still so in shock by seeing this gem.   
When I look back up again to see Brian, Deaky, and Roger, they all have smiles on their faces and I got embarrassed immediately because of how much I’m freaking out right now.   
“It’s fun to see you so excited about something.” Brian smiles at me briefly.   
“I think it’s cute…” Roger adds with a small wink.   
However, Deaky seems to have nothing to say in particular. Although, I knew that he was feeling something because his cheeks were turning red ever-so-slightly which I found adorable. I could see it in his eyes when I looked deep into them. However, the moment was broken up when our gazes broke and he went into the kitchen to put the items from the store away, Brian following him and Freddie heading back up the stairs again.   
Roger was the only one that stayed in the room with me and sat next to me on the couch with Tiffany seated in my lap curled up in a little ball. Roger stretches his arm so that he could put his arm around me and pull himself closer to me.   
“I’m still not getting over that you and Deaky left me in the store. There has to be a reason, love. Were you getting… Distracted, perhaps?” Roger asks in a husky tone.   
My face flushes and I make a wild attempt to cover it up, but with nor results. “Oh, shut up Roger…” My voice cracks slightly and I rub the back of my neck.   
His face is suddenly closer to me, mere inches from mine, and he continues, “Make me…”   
That. That phrase. It makes the pit in my stomach churn even more and it’s as it’s growing larger by the second. My lips part beseechingly while tinges of red still adorn my face and a corner of his mouth tugs into a smile.   
But I did the unthinkable in my mind. I went in for it. A kiss. Yes, another one. But… It felt like it was a spontaneous, ‘in the moment’ sort of thing that you’d only do when it felt like the time was right. It was something about him. But that something was growing on me and making my feelings for him grow increasingly every passing minute.   
It’s crazy how so little time can make my feelings that much stronger. I was in love with Deaky, and there’s no doubt about that. What we have is different from anything else. But with Roger? I like him. I do. But I think whatever it is I feel for him is growing into something more, but I can’t quite place it.


	8. Chapter 8:

I think you really know when you start to gain strong feelings towards someone that is stronger than a mere crush when you start to get jealous when that person gives their attention to someone else when their attention is what you crave the most. I’m way beyond the simple word ‘feelings’ to describe what I truly feel towards Deaky and Roger.   
But whenever I see them hanging around someone else, especially if it’s a girl, I get easily jealous and it’s scary how much that grows inside of me and then the insecurity really builds up in my stomach. I mean, I have no real reason to be insecure about anything regarding Roger or Deaky. Anyone who’s anyone can see that they love me to the ends of the Earth and back and would do absolutely anything for me. Including letting me be with who I really want even if it’s not them. That speaks to me on a deeper level too. In the beginning, I never thought I would be getting into the deep end of love. 

***

It was approximately mid-morning on a Saturday, which served as one of few days where we had nothing to do. Although, I find that they all like to practice in their free time anyhow, including writing songs.   
With Tiffany cradled in my arms, I walk down the hall and see Deaky heading down the stairs. To my surprise, however, he trips down a few steps and falls.   
A smirk grows on my face and I snicker a bit as I say, “Hey, Deaky, I think you just-” I stopped to hold in a laugh while a blush rises hot on my cheeks. “I think you just fell for me.”   
His face goes beet red at my overly-flirtatious comment. He smiles as he meets my eyes, winking slightly for my eyes only. “Have we told you yet?” Deaky prompts, pulling me close to him with an arm around my waist, and my arms around his chest.   
Wordlessly, I shake my head ‘no’ while I rest it on his shoulder.   
“Well, we’ve decided to have ‘39 as our single with ‘You’re My Best Friend’ as the B-side to it. You know, if you haven’t already figured out, I wrote it about you… I really do love you, darling,” he mutters.   
‘I really do love you, darling.’ That phrase said it all for me. There’s no denying that he’s in love with me and that I’m in love with him. Anyone with common sense and eyes can see that. There are no words possible to come back with after Deaky said that. Nothing except this.   
In the heat of the moment, I leaned in for a kiss, grabbing his shirt collar to tug him closer to me in a mere moment. I pulled him down so that we were face to face so, naturally, he was leaning down a bit until I let go of his shirt collar and we pulled away from each other.   
The kiss may have been short and sweet, but I know that it meant something for sure. Quietly, I hear him hum very low for a second. For a few moments, we kept on staring into each other’s eyes and that’s when my mind started to work and think.   
It sure seems that I’ve been going to town kissing Roger and Deaky. Even if it does feel like a bit much to some people, I have to do what feels natural in my current situation, you know? And every time it feels right as if it’s supposed to happen right at that moment in time. Like it was scripted as part of my everyday like.   
“One thing’s for sure. I know that I’m falling for you,” I state, my eyes looking down at the ground.   
He smiles for a moment, but I know that there was something else he was thinking about. No, I don’t mean another girl. It was something that I can’t place, but I know that would have to be said. “What about Roger? Are you falling for him?” Deaky’s expression was serious, and in his beautiful eyes I saw the same affection I see anytime he looks at me in his eyes but with something else. Something that wasn’t necessarily sadness or anger or disappointment. But, perhaps, something in between the three.   
My face fell, but I managed to keep somewhat of a hint of a smile ghosting on my lips like a spirit roaming the halls of an old, abandoned house. “Well, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel strongly for him. But- See the thing is, I’m not- I’m not in love with him like I am with you.”   
“It’s okay. I see the way he looks at you and the way you look at him right back. But, I don’t want to try to sound mean or anything, there’s no way that you look at him the way you look at me. There’s that special something there when our eyes meet…” His voice trails off as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to him.   
My heart pounded extra hard for one beat after he said what he said. “No, Deaky, that’s not mean at all! You’re right. I just- I feel strongly for both of you, but it- It’s different in a way that I can’t quite explain,” I said, putting my arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder.   
From behind us on the staircase, I heard someone walking up. There was a slight pain in my chest that reminded me that the moment was over now. Time to come out of my little world and move on with the day.   
Turning around to catch a glimpse at who it was, I saw it to be Roger. He caught my eye, and there was a glimmer that never failed to make me fall for him more. Then, as he walked around to face us, he gave the smallest hint of a smile where a corner of his mouth turned up ever-so-slightly into a smirk. I knew that look, for I saw it often on a daily basis.   
“Mmm? Having a moment, Deaky? I don’t mean to intrude,” Roger said, pausing while placing a hand on my shoulder as if to provide some means of separation between Deaky and I. “But I do have something to ask Lily if you don’t mind.”   
I gave Deaky a look as if to ask what he thought. Deaky flashes one of those smiles that could calm me down when I’m stressed and melts me to my core. The look he gives me is soft and reassuring. What did I do to get such a precious man like Deaky in my life? Then he leans in close to my ear and whispers, “It’s okay. Go and talk with him. We get to spend a lot of time together. And, after all, it’ll give me a chance to steal you away again later, right?” He leaves with a final squeeze of my hand. For a second, I watch as Deaky descends down the stairs.   
After, Roger slides me closer to him by way of pulling me by my waist so close that our foreheads are touching each other, my eyes gazing into his big, blue eyes that sparkle like the ocean during the summer months. “So… What I was going to ask was… Well, would you like to go out with me for coffee today?” he whispers, so quiet that his voice might as well be caressing my skin. His whisper-voice sends a shiver down my spine quickly.   
My cheeks turn a deep shade of red. “Rog, I do believe you’re asking me on a date.” A grin dances across my lips like a dancer during a solo with the spotlight shining brightly on them.   
“I wasn’t being secretive about it, love. But I need to know if you want to go with me or not, Lily.” Oh my, the way he said my voice was unlike anything I can describe. However, I can say that it gave me a tingling feeling in my stomach that spread out from a tiny ball as if expanding wider and wider.   
I pull Roger into a hug, placing my head on his chest for a moment before stepping back to give him a good look in the eyes. “I would love to. Especially because it would be our first date,” I muttered.   
However, not even a second after, it dawned on me that Deaky and I hadn’t even been on a date yet. That tingling feeling in my stomach soon dropped away before you can even think a single thought. Slightly, I looked behind me so see that Freddie, Brian, and Deaky were there on the steps watching us. It was as if I could feel the pang in Deaky’s heart at that moment as I saw his eyes. But then he realized that I was looking and he gave me a secret smile and a thumbs up.   
God, he’s trying so hard to be supportive of me while remembering that I’m in love with him too. I can’t shake away that feeling. It’ll always be there forever until eternity. How unfortunate, it feels like I’ll always be stuck between two worlds. One that Deaky and I live in where we can focus on all of the little things like taking walks together, cuddling while watching TV, or accidentally falling asleep on each other’s shoulders. Whereas Roger and I live in this world where I can feel like I can be more bold and flirty. You know, it feels more natural to sneak a kiss every now and then.   
Roger grins widely, almost like a little kid smiling at his parents after receiving some sort of gift. He walks away with a small pat on my arm and I immediately go into the closet, and I sense Freddie and Brian trailing behind, knowing that they want to hear what I’m thinking.   
Whipping my head around briskly, there Brian and Fred are standing in the doorway with grins on their faces. You know, that kind of smile that has this hint of mischief. “You’ve come to help me pick out an outfit, then?”   
“Of course, darling, I do have the greatest fashion sense here. Possibly rivaled by Deaky, naturally. I mean, you see those shoes he wears, right?” Freddie comments with a knowing look across his face.   
Brian leans on the bed with his arms folded on his chest. He clearly had something bigger on his mind, regarding me, bigger than just clothes. I know in my heart, in my gut, that he saw how Deaky and I looked at each other after Roger asked me out earlier. I knew that he would be paying attention to that.   
But I tried hard to avoid talking about that for as long as I can. However, I do know that he would want to bring it up at some point or another. Rapidly, I turned to my closet with my back to them. Pulling out a pair of my favorite jeans, I displayed them in front of me.   
“Just casual? You’re not gonna go a little fancier?” Brian asks, surprised a bit.   
I chuckle, shaking my head all the while. “It’s only coffee. Maybe I’ll wear a tighter fitting shirt with my jeans. I’m sure that’ll be okay...” I head off into my closet once again and look at my shirts.   
“Oh yes, that’ll be okay for sure. I know Roger will love that.” Even though I couldn’t see Brian’s face, it was as if I felt him smirking slyly behind me. Freddie’s whooping laughter only confirmed my suspicions.   
I can only see the look on Roger’s face if I wore this one, I thought as I tugged at one of my choices. The shirt that I contemplated wearing was a shirt that fit me just right and if it had been shrunken by any means it would’ve cut off my circulation. A frown dawned on my face as I spotted a small tear in the stomach. Nope, moving on! None of my flannel shirts will do! I was so absorbed in what I was doing that the world around me was fading. I was currently lost in my thoughts, unaware of anything going on around me. For all I knew, there could be three wars going on around me, with gunshots and all, and I wouldn’t have noticed one bit.  
At last, it was as though a spotlight shone upon me as I found my outfit. No more contemplating or wondering ‘what if’. No. It was this dark gray crop top that showed off a bit of my belly accompanied by my denim bell-bottom jeans, with the bottoms slightly flaring out to show my brown leather ankle boots. Oh yeah. I was the epitome of 70s fashion. Well okay, maybe I thought I looked good and I didn’t know if anyone else did. God, that would suck if I thought my outfit looked good and everyone else thought it was ugly.   
Nevertheless, I clutched the articles of clothing tightly in my hands and pressed to my chest with a slight grin on my face. Freddie and Brian looked up at me from talking quietly to each other and eyed the outfit that was in my hands. Wordlessly, I held it out for them to view it better.   
Freddie raised an eyebrow as he looked at me, his dark brown eyes sparkling from the light fixtures above. “Rog will absolutely adore this outfit. I know that for sure. He won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”   
That’s when I remembered, suddenly, about how Deaky looked at me earlier. I momentarily forgot about it because I was so absorbed in what I was doing prior, but it dawned on me again. The pit in my stomach grew increasingly, slowly but surely, and seemed to take the form of nerves and anxiety. I know that Brian noticed, and I know that from the look that he gave me earlier.   
I plastered a smile on my face to disguise what I was really thinking about. Only those who truly know me will see right through my attempt at a disguise like looking through a glass door.   
I quickly changed into my outfit, the breeze creating goosebumps on my stomach that diminished within seconds of exiting my closet. They were both sitting on my bed which was made nicely, the lines neat and crisp.   
Twirling around in my spot for a second or two, a wide smile was playing on my lips because I was excited with a pit in my stomach, deep down in my gut, creeping about with the only thing temporarily masking it being my currency excitement. “Well?” I asked. My cheeks almost ached from smiling this wide.   
Brian smiled at me similar to a proud brother and Freddie looked taken aback. “You look lovely,” Brian said.   
Freddie gave Brian a look and left the room. I know what this is going to be about. I have a gut feeling that Brian was bringing up what only he saw earlier.   
“Lily… Are you okay?” he implored cautiously.   
I scoff, rolling my eyes, and add, “Bri, I know what you saw so… Just- I don’t know.” I plop down next to him on my bed with my chin resting in my hands which were propped up on my legs.   
He places a soothing hand on my arm for a moment before pulling away. “I know the way Deaky looked at you when he heard Rog asking you out earlier. And I saw the face you made. It was almost like you realized something. There’s no way that I’m letting this go, alright?” he continues, his voice low.   
I let out a long sigh. “That face… He- There was a pain in the way he looked at me. But what really got to me was that he immediately corrected himself to make it known that he supported me.” My heart was racing at a million miles an hour like cars racing in circles.   
He gave me a look that seemed to be confused. “Well? Then what’s the problem with that?” Maybe he did understand what my problem was and wanted to hear it from me first before he came out with it outright. Or perhaps he really didn’t know. I’m not sure at this point.   
“He loves me to death and I- Well I’m so in love that it’s not funny at this point. But then I also really like Roger too. Maybe it’s more than that, but I don’t even know. He’s been so understanding and caring towards my feelings that I wish that I could make him happy by saying ‘It’s you that I want’. But then I also want to make Roger happy… That’s my dilemma,” I explain in great detail.   
I trembled slightly like I was emotionally drained. Just in that explanation, I felt like my heart had been poured out before me and my soul bared for only him to see. It feels nice to know that I have Brian to confide in, although I do know that I can tell anything to any one of the boys. They’d all listen to me if I really needed someone to talk to. But right now Brian was the easiest person to confide in. Things were too confusing otherwise.   
I glanced over at Brian, him making a thinking face where he was concentrating very hard apparently. My shoulders slump down and my back bending ever-so-slightly as I release all the tension in my body.   
From out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that he was about to speak. “You’re in a sticky situation. Especially because you’re not even so sure about how much you feel for Roger. Do you love him? In love with him? Or just like him, but in a greater amount?”   
My mind swam like a swimmer fighting for the coveted gold medal. “I-”   
“Is Lily in there?” Roger asks from outside the door.   
Brian gives me a reassuring smile before we both leave my room. “Just spend time with him. Interact with him and pay attention to how you feel around him. Then you’ll know for sure.” That stuck out to me in particular. And I would make sure to never forget that phrase and apply that while also trying to have fun.   
My heart was racing so rapidly that it was as if it was beating out of my chest so far that everyone in the room around me could see it beating. My palms became sweaty and shaky simultaneously. The fact that he gave me that look didn’t make me feel any calmer. You know, the kind of look that guys give you when you can tell you that they’re excited like a little kid. It’s such an innocent look but with a hint of something more than that. Roger flashes a smile so bright that the sun was the only rival.   
Then he takes me by the hand silently with a grin still plastered on his face, and I quietly look back at Brian for reassurance and trying not to catch Deaky’s eyes. It would hurt to see him disappointed. I know that he would much rather it be him there holding my hand instead of me with Roger. Of course, he’s jealous. It’s a surefire sign that you love someone. When you crave someone’s attention when they’re giving it to someone else rather than you, that's when you know that you care for someone that much more.   
Brian gives me an encouraging thumbs-up while Freddie gives me a sly wink, and I know what he means by that too. Such a character, that Freddie. I chuckle to myself.   
“Something wrong love?” Roger asks in a hushed tone, glancing at me with a side-eye.   
Blushing hard, I reply, “No. Just… I was looking back at Brian and Freddie. They’re excited for me. My first date since I broke up with my boyfriend, Dean.”   
Roger only smiles at me. “No, I wouldn’t say this is your first date ever since you broke up with your college boyfriend. It’s your first date with me for sure, but you and Deaky have hung out enough times alone to call it a date. Neither one of you has gathered up enough courage to call it that.” Roger reassures me.   
With a final look, I saw Deaky as Roger and I walked out the door. But, the strangest thing was that I swore I saw him mouth something to me. “I love you.” That’s it. I knew that’s what he’s saying to me. And I know that because of the way he looked at me. His cheeks were tinted a light red color, flushing faster as the seconds passed, and his eyebrow was raised as his eyes gleamed, the light from the bulbs above hitting them just so.   
But before I could say anything back to him silently, the door behind us closed as Roger held the door handle. Everything went by so fast that I didn’t know what was going on for a second.   
“Ready?” he asks me.   
I squeeze his hand and lightly bump into his arm as I reply, “Of course.” Roger plants a small kiss on my cheek as we enter the car. The spot where he kissed me on the cheek is warm and tingly when his lips leave my cheek.   
Soon enough, a small coffee shop comes into view. Equipped with his ‘disguise’ so no one recognizes him on the streets, we exit the car and step onto the curb and over the curb. In the back of my mind, I can’t stop thinking about how Deaky said nonverbally to me ‘I love you’. But I wasn’t really aware that I was thinking about it. I’m so overly excited that I’m on my first date with Roger that I wasn’t really thinking about it.   
He takes my hand once again, my fingers intertwined with his. I think about how I love the way his hand fits in mine and how nice his hands feel against mine. Our arms swing while we walk into the coffee shop, the cool air hitting my face as soon as we step through the doorway.   
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers to me in a sort of a gasp.   
My face turns red and hot, as it always does when someone compliments me. “You mean my looks?”   
He chuckles. “Well, you do look very pretty too. But that’s not what I meant. I mean how you walk, to how you hold my hand, how sassy you are, and when you see a dog or a cat on the street you silently freak out. My favorite is when I see you cuddling with Freddie’s cat on your lap while watching television. Those kinds of things make you so beautiful to me,” he explained as he gazes into my eyes.   
My heart flutters softly and just as we’re about to order, he places a hand on my chest and adds, “I’m gonna surprise you. So go and find a seat, and don’t look.”   
I giggle as he smiles, his hair falling over his face when he turns around to the counter. I do as he wants me too as I should be. I hid my smile behind my hand and I quickly composed myself to be more calm, running a hand through my dark blonde hair, my stare falling towards the table below me. As I turned my attention to the table, I noticed all the imperfections in the wood. The nicks and scratches, some of which came that way, and others were made by wear and tear. I think that this is a good metaphor for people. We all have our imperfections, but when we see those imperfections in pieces like wood or marble or granite they’re beautiful and unique. We never think that way about our flaws and imperfections in people when I think we should.   
My thought process was interrupted when I saw Rog heading my way, raising his eyebrows with a goofy smile. He places my drink in front of me and, from behind, he wraps his arms around me and places his chin on my shoulder. “You know that I’ve come to realize how in love with you I am? I don’t think you think you really know how much I love you, you know…” Roger mutters into my ear.   
It took my off-guard to a moment to hear what he had to say. “...how in love with you I am…” “...how much I love you…” Those phrases rang through my head over and over like a broken record and my heart leaped like a gymnast in the Olympics. I wasn’t able to produce any words, and I sat there with my mouth hanging wide open.  
All Roger does is laugh softly at me, his eyes looking soft as well. God, his eyes are so pretty. “I love it when you look flustered and caught off-guard. I can poke fun at you more and your face gets redder and you try to make a comeback. It’s cute.” Roger smiles boldly and confidently, smugness written all over his face. He looks so confident and cocky and yet somehow I’m attracted to that.   
“You’re such a tease, Rog. You know that.” I state, smiling and looking away while I take a sip of my drink. Wow, he did a fantastic job of choice for me too.   
Leaning closer with the same smug smile on his lips, and yes I am looking at his lips hesitantly, he responded, “Of course, love.”   
And the rest of the afternoon went on something like this. But as I considered Brian’s advice as I think about our afternoon that didn’t end too long ago, I’m beginning to understand what it is I’m feeling. Not just for Roger, but for Deaky too. It’s all slowly coming together, and it scares me on what will happen next. But then, at the same time, I can’t wait.


	9. Chapter 9:

“Did you have a nice time today?” he asks point-blank, his eyes still glued to the road ahead of him.   
A grin plays at my lips slightly as I reply, “You know, I did. I loved spending time with you.”   
He chuckles, and I know he’s going to say something sarcastic back. “Oh? And you don’t like spending time with me otherwise?” He’s so easy to read sometimes…  
I can’t help but giggle. “Come on, you know what I mean, Roger.” A warm blush creeps on my cheeks ever-so-slightly.   
Once we get home, excitement runs wildly through my veins and I can’t wait to tell everybody about our date. The house comes into view, and my hands are digging into the car seat. ‘Our first date. I can’t believe it’s happened.’   
He gives me a look equipped with a raised eyebrow, his eyes gleaming brilliantly underneath the afternoon sun. I felt a pang in my heart and I bit my lip to hide a smile as he took my hand walking up the pathway.   
As soon as the door opens, I yell, “We’re back!”   
Brian and Freddie rush up to us as soon as we get into the entryway with knowing looks on their faces. It makes me smile at how eager they always are to hear about my day. Even the small things, and I appreciate that. The small, well not so small I guess, friendships in my life considering that I have an immense amount of drama going on. It’s nice to have a couple of good best friends than I can count.   
“Well? You’re going to keep us in suspense?” Freddie inquiries.   
“There’s not a lot to say about it, except that we talked and took advantage of our alone time.” Brian gives me a certain look, and I know that he’s thinking about how I feel about Roger and what he told me earlier. I give him a discreet wink as if to give him a signal that I got what he’s thinking about.   
In the meantime, Freddie pouts and rolls his eyes as if to say that we’re no fun. My heart skips a beat as I look around the room, and I’m probably making it clear that I’m searching for somebody. And I think everyone knows who I’m talking about. Roger squeezes my hand and turns to me. “Something wrong, love?”  
“Just- Does anyone know where Deaky is?” I implore, my stomach getting anxious feelings inside.   
“Not sure, though I know he’ll turn up eventually.” Freddie grins at me reassuringly, and at the same time, everyone leaves and goes their own separate ways.   
Now… Now I’m by myself again. The only question on my mind was: “Where’s Deaky?” What he told me non-verbally before my date stuck with me the whole day even if it was just in the back of my mind.   
Suddenly, I feel someone wrapping their arms around me and resting their head on my shoulder. I know who I wanted it to be for sure.   
“Lily… You’re back,” he mutters in a sort of a gasp. I know he’s smiling that smile of his that always makes me blush and smile.   
“I am. I’ve been looking for you. But what’s this all about?” I inquire curiously.   
Without any hesitation, he continues assuredly, “I just realized how much that- Well, I love you. I love you, Lily.”   
Just then, my stomach drops and my heart flutters madly as I feel his grip around me still strong as ever. Those words. I’d never heard them as I hear them now. Never had I heard it like this and the other person meant it. My mouth opens slightly, aghast, and my cheeks turn a light pink similar to bubblegum. Those words kept ringing through my head, and then it had occurred to me that I was staring and not responding.   
“I- Well- Deaky-” I take a moment to stop, taking a deep breath, in order to compose myself and attempt to calm myself down. After I felt like I was in the right mindset to respond, I flash a brilliant smile and look Deaky straight in the eyes and say, “What I mean to say is… I love you too. I mean… always have, you know.” Immediately, I pulled him into a short, sweet kiss and I felt him smiling as I kissed him.   
This is what they call magic. Feeling like the world around you is melting away, and the Earth beneath you is fading away slowly. But you hardly notice it because nothing else seems to matter anymore. Sure, I may have felt this kind of feeling before; however, it doesn’t make it any less perfect.   
“Lily, you really feel that?” His eyes were lit up, his smile making my heart sing. He’s so happy and it makes me so happy to see him this way.   
“I do…” I reply with a smile growing on my face. I proceed to rest my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around me in response.   
“I’m so glad because I always knew that I loved you. I- Nevermind.” He looks tentatively away from me and bites his lip.   
Looking up at him and moving his face towards mine so our gazes are locked, I add, “No, Deaky, what’s wrong? You looked so happy a minute ago.”   
“Well, I can’t help but think about you and Roger. I partially wanted to say this because I know that you two are getting closer with every passing day. I wanted you to know, Lily,” he continues in a hushed tone.   
“I know… And I wish that I could make you, either one of you, happy. But I- It just isn’t that simple anymore. I’m sorry.”   
He envelops me in a soothing hug. “Lily, darling, you don’t have to be sorry. I know that things will work out how they’re meant to, and we’ll go through this together,” he mutters into my ear.   
He squeezes my hand as we venture into the house further. And all eyes are on us, I feel it. They are all gathered together in the kitchen and my heart beats heavily out of my chest. Freddie gives me a questioning look. However, it appears to me that they’re not all looking at me for an answer, rather they’re looking for Deaky’s answer as if they already know. God, do they know?   
“You did it, mate?” Freddie asks, placing a hand on his shoulder with a grin.   
I know that Deaky’s getting embarrassed right about now and it makes me blush too as if it’s infectious. But he nods just the same with a small, embarrassed grin dancing on his lips. Brian and Freddie yell and congratulate him, and that’s when I knew that they were in it. Except for Roger. He was on a date with me when they talked about it… He looked as if his face had gone as white as a ghost and his eyes were wide with surprise and anticipation.   
“She said it back?” Brian adds with a glance in my direction.   
“I did if that's what you’re getting at…” My voice trails off and my eyes instinctively look towards Deaky, but I can’t help but notice Roger’s expression out of the corner of my eye. As if on command, I look away from Roger.   
I eye the radio as it idly sits on the gleaming counter near the edge. I hadn’t been fully aware that it was on earlier because of so much going on, and partially because it had been on a commercial break. The beginning sounds of the songs echo off the walls of the kitchen, and I soon recognize it to be “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John and Kiki Dee. It seems as though the song caught everyone off-guard because we all look up and see each other doing the same exact thing.   
Although, there’s still silence. I can’t yet tell whether or not it’s the good kind of silence or the bad kind. I let a smile slip across my face, my head hanging low to the floor.   
“You like this song?” Roger asks.   
For a moment, I was surprised because I haven’t heard from him since I got home. My eyes were wide until I met his eyes again. So blue, like the ocean in how they sparkle like the sun gleaming on the blue waves. Somehow, they always take my breath away.   
“Yeah… it’s catchy. I like it.-” I stop myself from talking more because of a small, quiet chuckle.   
Deaky leaves the room, as does everyone else, to get on with his day and leaves with a final kiss on my cheek and a shy smile.   
Roger comes up to me and leans into my ear as if to whisper something to me. “Well, Lily, don’t go breaking my heart,” he mutters. I felt a tingle go down my spine as I felt his words against my skin.   
“I couldn’t if I tried, you know that Roger…” Ah yes. Puns. The highest form of humor. 

*** 

Yawning, I strain my eyes to look at the time stated on the clock on the small side table near the couch. “9:47.” I close my eyes for a second and lean back into the couch, the soft cushions enveloping me and begging me to go to sleep. I was tired, and it wasn’t my intention to close my eyes, but it just is.   
However, I was interrupted by a noise. Did I bother to open my eyes? Not at all. The most surprising thing was that I felt a kiss planted on my lips. It felt quick and soft. Smiling, I had to open my eyes to see who it was.   
“Lily… Are you tired?”   
As my eyelids fly open, it’s Roger I see with a grin on his face that also told me he was tired, his eyelids slightly droopy from being tired as well. “I guess I am…”   
“Stay with me in my room tonight, then?” he offers. His eyes tell me that his intentions are good. Maybe not pure, but good.   
I reach my hands and arms out to him as if to tell him that I wanted him to help me up. He grins and takes my hands and pulls me to him, closer in which he wraps an arm around my waist. “Let’s go get ready.”  
From my drawers, the clothes neatly stacked individually in piles in rows, I picked a pair of shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in tonight. It’s not like it really matters. He’ll like whatever I wear. I only say that because I’m pretty sure I won’t care what he wears to bed tonight. For all I care, he could wear the ugliest t-shirt.   
As I walked out the door, my arms clung tightly to my sides and the nerves shot up quickly in my stomach. Why I’m nervous, I don’t know. I do know that this is my first time sleeping in the same bed with Roger, so I guess that’s a reason to be nervous.   
The hallway was consumed in darkness, the only light source being a sliver of silver moonlight shining through the single hall window and onto the carpet beneath my feet, which felt soft underneath my bare feet.   
The door to Roger’s bedroom creaked open quietly, and I peeked my head through the doorway. The light was blinding for only a second before my eyes adjusted. And there, sitting on the bed, was Roger with no shirt on. Only a pair of shorts. My cheeks flushed pink as if someone had dusted blush on my cheeks ever-so-slightly.   
Wordlessly, he slides further into the sheets and pats the space next to him with a goofy, tired grin. He looks cute when he’s tired like this. It makes me smile too and get that fluttering feeling deep in my stomach that disperses with each second.   
The bedsheets wrinkle as I climb onto the bed. “Glad you could join me.” He looks deep into my eyes as if he was looking for something in particular. Yet, he still has that glazed look in his eyes that shows how tired he is.   
For a moment, all I could do lay on my side and gaze into Roger’s eyes, unaware of how heavy my eyelids were becoming. They would flutter closed before I unconsciously opened them up again. I’m too distracted to notice how tired I am.   
“Tired, love?” he questioned, giving me a small smile.   
“I guess I am. I hadn’t noticed, to be honest. I was too… distracted.” A hot blush rises to my cheeks like a blazing fire.   
Then, without any other words being spoken between us, he pulled me closer to him by wrapping his arms around my body until there wasn’t any space left. We both lay on our sides, and my head was laying against his chest. If I listen closely, I can faintly hear his heart beating and how it seems to speed up when we’re closer to each other…   
He leans his head down, pressing his lips against mine in the heat of the moment. I can’t stop thinking about how nice his lips are whenever we kiss, and how good of a kisser he is. As my eyes start to close for real, the dream world surrounding me, I hear Roger add right before I’m fully asleep, “I love you, Lily.”   
And there it was. That phrase that I’d only heard earlier today from Deaky. Somehow, I both knew and didn’t know that he was going to say that. It was both painstakingly obvious and not at the same time. Through careful consideration and much thinking and stress, I knew exactly what to say, which may cause controversy to others I know. But I’m not afraid of taking this risk because what other chance will I get to truly profess my feelings to Roger in a moment where it’s ours and ours alone?   
“I love you too, Rog,” I mumble as I drift off sleepily. Right before I fall asleep, Roger plants a kiss on my temple as he falls asleep too.


	10. Chapter 10:

The rays of sunshine passing through the trees that line the park walkways shine brightly on the sidewalk below us as I walk hand in hand with Deaky. I almost forgot that a day has passed since my night with Roger. Yesterday flew by in a whirlwind so fast that my head’s spinning as if I had just gotten off of a spinning wheel.   
But my thoughts were broken when he squeezed my hand gently and, out of the corner of my eye, he smiled at me sweetly. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t have to. I love it when we get to just soak up each other’s presence, which I always feel love and affection radiating towards me when we’re around each other.   
But I also subtly notice that he’s holding something in his hand within his pocket, but it didn’t bother me. Whatever he brought with him was none of my business. One thing that stood out to me was how his expression seemed thoughtful as he stared ahead of him. I can’t help but wonder what is going on inside his head. And I catch myself staring at him all the while, captivated at how the light dances on his hair and his face makes me want to keep looking at him forever.   
That's when he notices me looking and staring and, in response, he turns his head and his hair falls in front of his face so that it frames it just so. The early afternoon sunlight gleams in his green-gray eyes. My breath catches in my throat momentarily at how beautiful they look.   
I have to ask and inquire. What is he thinking? My chest rises slowly as I breathe in deeply, soothingly. “Deaky, you have something on your mind. I can see it all over your face.”   
Deaky smiles towards the ground so wide that I can see the small gap between his teeth, and it never fails to make me melt on the inside. “Ahh, you caught me. I- Well, I have been thinking about something and… Uh, I can’t think of another time to say it.”   
My eyebrow raises in curiosity, his statement not really clearing up any confusion. In fact, it raises even more questions. However, before I even have a chance to think, I eye him grabbing something in his coat pocket. It’s the one that I saw earlier, and I still can’t identify what it is yet.   
That’s when time slowed to a stop, slowly and slowly, until time seemed frozen everywhere else but where we are. He kneels down so that he’s on one knee. I think my heart is speeding up so fast it’s considered unhealthy. I feel it fluttering madly within my chest so hard that I can’t concentrate.   
“Lily. I love you so much, and you know that I don’t really have much to say unless it’s with you. But I want to keep this short and simple…” He takes a deep breath and proceeds to look me in the eyes and not break away. “I know you love me and that I love you right back. So, will you be my wife?”   
It’s as though all the people around us in the park were turning to look at us. My thoughts were racing. Not about anything in particular, but they were going so fast that I couldn’t tell. That didn’t stop me from knowing my answer right away.   
With a huge grin that spread across my face widely, I exclaim, “Yes! Yes, I’ll be your wife!”   
Like a cliche movie, I begin to jump up and down. Deaky gets up off the ground and his smile is the biggest I’ve ever seen it and he picks me up off the ground and spins me around. “I’m so glad you said yes…”  
Nothing else was in my conscious mind other than him. My fiance. My soon-to-be husband. My husband. That phrase repeated dozens of times in my head and I never wanted to stop hearing it. But in my unconscious mind… Well, that’s a different story. Maybe you can infer what’s going on, or maybe you can’t. But to anyone who knows me and who I am will know without a doubt in their mind.   
A slow smile spreads across my face. I feel so giddy like a kid on Christmas Day. My mind continues to race with so many differing thoughts at the same time. “I’m just thinking about how I’m going to tell the guys. You know, Brian, Freddie, and-” I stopped myself short.   
“Roger?” he adds, continuing my sentence. “I get it… You have feelings for him too, and I’d be cruel to try to stop them. But we love each other and I feel inside that it’s the right time for us.”   
I smile affectionately at him and plant a kiss on his lips quickly and sweetly. “Thank you. I love you so much… I’ll just have to find a way to tell them individually. Especially Roger…” My voice trails off.   
Placing a comforting arm around me, we continue to walk along the grass-lined path as he says, “It’ll all work out how it’s meant to, darling.” 

*** 

Deaky and I walked home, meandering back. We were in no hurry, and I took that time to admire my new ring. The diamond was in a Princess-cut with a Rose Gold band. I love how it glimmers in the light and seems perfectly unique to me. I can’t stop staring at it and how tiny rainbows appear throughout the diamond.   
“You like it?” he asks me, his voice cutting through the air.   
Smiling, I respond, “I love it. It’s beautiful, Deaky.”   
He kisses me on my cheek lightly. “Good because I got it for you. I saw it and knew that it was supposed to be yours…”  
Soon enough, too soon perhaps, the house came into view. The light shines forebodingly on the windows, reminding me of what’s to come.   
The door creaked open quietly and, for a minute, it sounded as if no one was here. My stomach dropped for a second, and I thought I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and my heart thumping in my chest. But, simultaneously, I can’t stop smiling.   
“Deaky? Lily?” Freddie calls out.   
“Down here,” Deaky yells, his voice echoing.   
Deaky gives me this look as if to say ‘good luck’ and proceeds to walk away. I made my best attempt to hide my ring, for it would give too much away. I planned on telling each of them privately. They deserve it because I care about them in my own way.   
“Lily? What did you do?” Freddie asks. Brian soon follows after him.   
“I know that look. What happened while you were gone?” Brian inquires.  
There’s no way I can hide my smile. He’s bound to know that something went up. So all I did was hold out my left hand to them so Freddie and Brian could look at it. Shakily, I held it out and Freddie gingerly took it and stared at my ring.   
“He didn’t-” he gasps with wide eyes.   
“He did. He asked me to marry him!” I whispered with a shy grin.   
Silence filled the air, but I knew that they were excited for me. But silence is, mostly, deafening whenever you’re nervous. My stomach turned and twisted in knots so much that it would look like a pretzel.   
He puts his hands on my shoulders and a smile dances on his lips like a prideful brother looking upon his sister. His hands squeezed my shoulders lightly, and they slid down my arm until he pulled me into a hug that made me feel warm on the inside.   
“Lily, you don’t know how incredibly happy I am for you. Really…” he mutters as he lets go of me.  
“This ring, it’s so pretty. You’re very lucky. He loves you so much, you know.” Freddie looks me dead in the eyes with a serious yet joyful expression.   
I nod along and meet his eyes. “I do. He’s made that clear. All I need to do now is tell… Roger.”   
His joyful expression turned concerned, and I know why. He knows why. “Lily, don’t worry about it. Roger will be fine.-”   
“Lily? I’m so glad you're back,” Roger cuts in.   
I pursed my lips together as I glanced over at Roger. All the while, Brian gives me a confident and assuring look that never once failed to give me strength while Freddie flashes a smile and a wink. My fingernails dug into my palms for a moment before I unclenched and made my way to Roger.   
I motion for Roger to follow me into my bedroom. His eyebrow raises, and there’s a worried look written on his face like a toddler scribbled on a piece of paper. I keep telling myself that I need to take deep breaths. That’ll calm me down. But this time it failed to do just that. But this isn’t some random chat. It’s everything that I’ve been worried about, even if I am tremendously happy.   
“Roger, I have some good news.” I look him in the eye, meeting his gaze is harder this time than any other.   
“Lily? What happened?” he asks with a genuine and raw feel to his voice.   
“I- Well, the thing is… I’m engaged. Deaky proposed earlier today,” I mutter, avoiding his gaze.   
But he’s too persistent; and, he places a hand underneath my chin and raises my head so we’re looking at each other again. “Lily, have you been nervous to tell me this whole time?”  
Nodding, I continue, “Yes. I’ve been worried because you told me you love me earlier and, well, I told you the same back. But- Me with him, it just feels right and-”   
He cuts off my ranting by putting a finger to my lips. “Love, it’s okay. I’m happy for you. Really.” But in his eyes, I can see a hint of regret that just barely manages to surface like a small buoy bobbing in the ocean.   
No words come out of my mouth. What else am I going to say?   
But then a question appears in my mind. “If you had the chance, would you have married me?”   
I can tell he’s taken aback by my question. Roger flinches for a moment before composing himself again. “Yes. But, anyone with a brain can see how he looks at you like you’re his world, and how you give him a similar look. Who am I to take that away from him? But, Lily, I still love you. Please know that.”   
That. That last part. It makes my heart wince like someone just punched me in the face. ‘I still love you. Please know that.’ That phrase repeated in my head over and over like a broken record or a song stuck in my head.   
I can only reply with my heart. “And I love you. Just- It’s different. But I-”  
“I know, I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to be worried about me. I’ll support you no matter what,” Roger adds, pulling me into a hug and my head resting on his chest. I can hear his heart beating.   
But even through everything, I know that it’s okay. I’m engaged to the man I love. Everything should be okay now.


End file.
